Five years of watching horror! What movies have stuck with me?

It didn't occur to me until mid-June that my 155th horror review, "Critters," which I posted on May 21 marks five years of blogging about horror movies. I posted my first review, "The Horror of the Zombies" (1974) on May 22, 2018. Knowing how I tend to wain when it comes to keeping things going, I honestly thought I'd lose my steam and this attempt at writing horror reviews would fade. It hasn't yet. 

After writing the news for a local Kansas paper for five years until to 2018, I didn't want to lose that writing drive, nor the talent to write no matter what which I somehow strengthened during my time as a news writer. So, I decided to start 1000daysofhorror.com. Since I also love watching non-horror flicks, I started another blog - dontfastforward.blogspot.com. 

My initial goal for this horror outlet was to watch and write about obscure movies. But I've since discovered that throwing in commentary on the latest horror releases brings in readers. Catching the attention of people out there is a slow process indeed. I had planned to start these 1000 days of horror by working my way through 100 film titles listed in a book called "100 Best Horror Movies" by Gary Gerani, published by Fantastic Press. I was going to start at the 100th movie Gerani recommends called "House of Dark Shadows" (1970). From there I'd search for each movie title in his book beofre looking for additional films to add. It's a great book and discusses some really choice films in the horror genre, and why each film is important in horror. 

Right now, I'm working on a review for the 2023 movie "Cocaine Bear." It'll be my 158th horror review. 

I'm already at the point where I've come across movie titles and can't recall if I've written about them or not. 

Anyways, having been at this for five years now, I'm looking back and reminiscing about which movies I do remember reviewing and enjoying the most. Consider these recommendations. 

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5) Duel (1971) - This Steven Spielberg flick deserves a lot more attention than it receives. It's one of the most edge-of-
your-seat thrillers I've seen. It uses a little to give the audience a lot. 

8) The People Under the Stairs (1991) - This was a favorite horror movie of mine back in my teenage years. It's a unique movie, based on a true story, from director Wes Craven. What's inside the walls? What's behind all those doors? It's an imagination's playground.

10) The Gate (1987) - This is classic 80s horror at its best. It's pure nightmare fuel. The frightening imagery will definitely stick with you for quite a while. While it's lacking in story, with too much exposition, it definitely makes up for in its terrifying scenes and creatures. 

18) Frozen (2010) - No, this isn't the Disney movie. But when it comes to "letting go," this film has something different in mind. The most plausible and realistic horror out there involves scenarios that could really happen. It presents the audience with a scenario they can easily picture themselves in. It begs the question, "what would you do?" This is one such film, and it's done well.  

23) Warlock (1989) - Actor Julian Sands, who stars in this paranormal horror movie, has a domineering presence on screen. And it's best demonstrated in this movie in which he plays a Warlock. Incidentally, Sands went missing in January 2023 while hiking at Mount Baldy, California, in the San Gabriel Mountains. As far as I know, he has yet to be found. My thoughts and prayers go out to his family. 

30) Bloody Birthday (1981) - This kind of movie would have a hard time being made today. Anyone who thinks the kids are alright ought to watch this flick. Such is not always the case. It's a suspenseful, very dark, and alarming film. I recommend it but with a caution.

31) Willow Creek (2013) - Evidently, actor and comedian Bobcat Goldthwait has a keen interest in Bigfoot. So, he directed this film about Bigfoot which is impressively thrilling and an edge-of-your-seat experience. 

37) The Beyond (1981) - Some of the best horror (and food) comes from Italy, like this movie. While it feels a bit slow in its pacing, it definitely makes up for it with its horror and style that doesn't hold back. 

44) The Witches (1990) - Outside of "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" this movie, based on the
book by Roald Dahl, is a great children's movie. The make-up is fantastic, and the premise is even better. 

50) The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920) - Hands down, this is one of the greatest horror movies of the silent era, and one of the best examples of German impressionist style on film. It's one of the greatest and foundation horror movies ever made. 

65) Ghost Story (1981) - "Ghost Story" does drag out, but the story, cast, and a few unnerving and creepy scenes make it a worthwhile watch. 

72) Lake Mungo (2008) - This documentary style movie is a great modern horror that utilizes fear and intrigue. It kept me glued to the screen from beginning to end. 

76) Better Watch Out (2016) - Some of the horror genre's best is set during the Christmas season. This movie is like a loose version of "Home Alone" with a horror twist. It adds realism, trepidation, and gore to the mix. 

78) The Old Dark House (1932) - The psychological horror factor in this classic film starring Boris Karloff makes it a foundational movie for the genre. It uses eccentric characters, religious infatuation, unsuspecting guests, sexual proclivity, and a heavy use of shadows to portray its horror style.

82) Fatman (2020) - The setting of this dark action thriller is a real-world scenario where Santa Claus, played by Mel Gibson, exists. At first, I considered it simply an o.k. movie. Since then, it has grown on me. 

88) Parents (1989) - This movie feels like a mix between "A Christmas Story" (minus the Christmas) and
"The Shining." This is quite a twisted psychological horror that'll probably need more than one viewing. It's an underrated gem. 

92) In the Mouth of Madness (1995) - Horror legend John Carpenter delivers one of the best and most unsettling psychological horror movies out there. This is one major twisted tale. 

93) Tourist Trap (1979) - I'm throwing this title in among my favorites because its director David Schmoeller has filmed some of the creepiest scenes I've ever seen in horror. He has a knack for that in a lot of his flicks. I don't recommend this movie for anyone with a fear of mannequins. 

94) Rent-A-Pal (2020) - I heard of this movie in passing while listening to a podcast about something completely off topic. This flick works well as a thriller, utilizing themes such as loneliness and low self-image.  

100) The Monster Squad (1987) - This classic 80s movie was my introduction to the classic Universal monsters. It doesn't hold back for a kid's movie and is a great movie for Halloween night. Also, Dracula calls a little girl a "bitch." He's evil. What do you expect, an evil bloodsucker who watches his language? So, take that for what it's worth. 

109) Dead of Night (1945) - I included this classic anthology horror in my look at horror anthologies in general. It's unique in the way the stories are tied to each other, with a conclusion that leaves the audience wondering what was real in the movie. 

125) Godzilla (1954) - This is the movie that introduced the world to the King of the Monsters. It's included in my all-series film reviews from last Halloween, which I dubbed Halloween 2022's Godzilla-Maniapalloza Extravaganza begins...For the Love of Godzilla. All Hail, the Monster King! 

142) The Horror of Dracula (1958). I've reviewed a few Hammer horror flicks on here, but this remains a true classic among them. Christopher Lee's Dracula is by far one of the best and most memorable depictions in horror history. This movie has certainly aged well with time and kept its rightful place among memorable horror movies.

154) The Menu (2022) - This black comedy which rips on pretentious foodies and food critics definitely hits the spot. The comedy is ripe. The acting is superb. And the comedy is subtle but strong.  

So, that's 158 horror movies down, and 842 more to go...

158) NEW HORROR RELEASES - Cocaine Bear (2023)

"A bear did cocaine!" 

Director

Elizabeth Banks

Cast
Keri Russell - Sari
Alden Ehrenreich - Eddie
O'Shea Jackson Jr. - Daveed
Ray Liotta - Syd
Isiah Whitlock Jr. - Bob
Brooklynn Prince - Dee Dee
Christian Convery - Henry
Margo Martindale - Ranger Liz
Jesse Tyler Ferguson - Peter


When the trailer for the comedy horror flick "Cocaine Bear" dropped, it looked completely stupid and ridiculous. I remember leaning over to my wife, and whispering, "I wanna see that!" 

Last week, I did. It's just as ridiculous and stupid as I initially thought. And I loved it. 

I planned to see it when it was released back in February and write a review for the paper. Unfortunately, I never made it to see this movie about a black bear fried out of its mind on cocaine. Well, now I have.

The story is loosely based on true events that took place in 1985. Fortunately, the movie is much more entertaining than what really happened.

It begins with former narcotics officer turned convicted drug smuggler Andrew C. Thornton II (Matthew Rhys) tossing out duffle bags full of coke out of an airplane. That part is true. 

He then attempts to parachute out of the plane but accidentally slams his head against the door frame knocking himself out cold just before plummeting to the ground. 

His body is found somewhere in Knoxville, Tenn. While some bundles of cocaine are found, others are still missing. 
Investigating authorities conclude he was carrying coke for Syd White (Ray Liotta), a drug lord based out of St. Louis.

Unfortunately, one of these bundles is discovered by a black bear somewhere in the Chattahoochee–Oconee National Forest in Georgia. The bear eats it, and an intervention is out of the question.  

Now the story has to throw some people into the forest to make it all the more fun.

A teenager named Dee Dee (Brooklynn Prince), who lives with her mom, Sari (Keri Russell), wants to skip school with her buddy, Henry (Christian Convery) and go paint the water fall out in the woods. 

Out on a hiking trail, the two kids find a couple of the missing bricks of cocaine. 

Suddenly, the bear intrudes on their discovery.

Sari gets a call from Dee Dee's school because she's not there. So, she ventures into the woods to find her.

She heads to the ranger's station where Ranger Liz (Margo Martindale) and Ranger Peter (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) go out on the trails with her to find Dee Dee. 

They soon find Henry way up in a tree warning them about the bear. However, Dee Dee is nowhere to be found.

Meanwhile, Syd sends one of his guys named Daveed (O'Shea Jackson Jr.) to retrieve the bricks of coke before the big bosses take their financial losses out on Syd. 

Keri Russell and the bear in 'Cocaine Bear."

Daveed heads out to Georgia from St. Louis with Syd's depressed son Eddie (Alden Ehrenreich) to retrieve the cocaine.

When they get to the ranger station, a group of teen punks known as Duchamps gang try to jump Daveed in the bathroom.

It doesn't go well for them. He forces one of the gang members, Stache (Aaron Holliday) to take Eddie and him to a gazebo out in the woods where the gang stashed some of the cocaine they stumbled upon. 

Police Detective Bob (Isiah Whitlock Jr.) also makes his way into the woods as part of his drug investigation. 

Once everyone is galivanting through the woods, they all have encounters with what Henry calls the "cocaine bear." Some of the interactions are deadlier than others. This bear is insane and unpredictable.

Finally, Syd makes his way into the forest because his drug bosses want their inventory, or else. He's determined to gather every last brick he can.

In 1976, a horror movie piggy-backing off the success of "Jaws" called "Grizzly" was released. It's a disappointing film and a poor imitation of Steven Spielberg's movie that it rips off. If only "Grizzly" had thrown in some cocaine into the mix. 

"Cocaine Bear" is what "Grizzly" needed to be. Unlike that movie, "Cocaine Bear" is not a nature's revenge kind of horror film. Those can be a little too preachy. Rather, it's exactly as the title suggests.

It's a B-horror movie at its best. It knows how insane the premise is, and just goes with it. It also has memorable characters, too, which is a rarity for movies like this. 

The first act of the film is getting everyone into the forest after the bear indulges itself. The rest is their interactions with this crack-addict bear. 

It's as hilarious as it is ludicrous. And it's much better than the true story in which the bear found the missing cocaine, helped itself, and then died. 

Speaking of which. the bear clearly looks CGI in a lot of the scenes. Normally, I'd critique it, but in this case, the bear's expressions performed digitally adds well to the humor. 

Director Elizabeth Banks clearly needed to take a lot of creative liberties, which she did much to her credit. Her creativity certainly works in this comedic horror flick. 

"Cocaine Bear" doesn't fail expectations. The insanity of the situation ends up being hilariously entertaining and horrifically cringy. It's a real trip, and schlock horror at its finest. 

I'm including horror movie trivia into my posts now! That's fun, right? Either way, there it is. The answer will be in my next post...

Who are the only two actors who have faced an Alien, a Predator, and a Terminator? 

*Answer to the question from my last post, "Crawlspace" = Damien Thorn from "The Omen" series.

157) Crawlspace (1986)

"So be it." 

Director
David Schmoeller

Cast
Klaus Kinski - Dr. Karl Gunther
Talia Balsam - Lori Bancroft
Barbara Whinnery - Harriet Watkins
Carole Francis - Jessica Marlow
Tane McClure - Sophie Fisher
Kenneth Robert Shippy - Josef Steiner
Sally Brown - Martha White

I found a copy of the 1986 American slasher flick "Crawlspace" packaged with another horror movie called "The Attic" (1980 which, as you can tell by the title, takes place in a different part of the house. Both films are completely unrelated. The two-movie set is packaged as "Midnight Movie Double Feature" from MGM. By the way, you might be able to guess what film my next post will be about. If you're thinking it'll be "Cocaine Bear," you're right. "The Attic" will probably be after that! 

I found this double feature at a new and used collectible toy shop in Lawrence, Kansas called 1313 Mockingbird Lane (not a sponsor). The proprietor is clearly a horror fan as he has a nice selection of horror movies for sale, most of which lean more towards the obscure. There's also a large stock of horror collectibles and nostalgic movie merch as well. It's my kind of shop. So, I grabbed these movies as part of a trade-in. 

Anyways, "Crawlspace" takes place within an apartment complex inhabited by young beautiful women who are unaware that their landlord isn't as harmless and innocent as he seems to be. 

College student, Lori Bancroft (Talia Balsam) moves into a vacant apartment. The landlord, Karl Gunther (Klaus Kinski) gives her a tour of the complex, telling her the previous woman who lived there disappeared without paying rent. 

While he has a calm and gentle demeanor, Bancroft doesn't know that Gunther is a sadistic, psychopathic murderer. His evil ways stem from his past as a Nazi. 

While she's impressed with the apartment and agrees to rent, he holds his hand over the gas stove as part of some masochistic ritual while Bancroft isn't looking. The film gets much more graphic than that. 

In the building's attic, Gunther keeps his former female tenant locked in a cage. Though he previously cut her tongue out and saves it in a jar of formaldehyde, he keeps her alive "to have someone to talk to." He also keeps several rats up there as well, using them to scare his tenants by secretly letting them loose in their apartments and then watching their reactions from a crawlspace. 

Bancroft becomes another unaware victim of Gunther as he spies on her, and the other women, through the air vent which he silently crawls through. These vents are reinforced so as to muffle the sounds of his movements. 

Every time Gunther murders one of the tenants, he sits at his table and plays Russian roulette with a handgun loaded with one bullet pointed to his temple. He pulls the trigger and if it doesn't cause his brains to splatter across the kitchen, he whispers a phrase to himself - "So be it."   

Later, a guy named Josef Steiner (Kenneth Robert Shippy) visits Gunther after searching for him for three years.

Gunther turns out to be a doctor and was chief resident at a hospital in Buenos Aires.   

Klaus Kinski as Dr. Karl Gunther in "Crawlspace."

Steiner claims 67 patients, including his brother, died under Gunther's care.
He also tells Gunther that he knows about his history with the Nazis. He even shows Gunther a picture he found of him as a child in a Hitler Youth uniform. Gunther doesn't seem too scared, though.

He continues spying on his female tenants regardless. The more he engages in his cruelty without getting caught, the more he starts seeing himself as some sort of God-like figure. He tells himself he can both give life and take it away.

Steiner returns to Gunther's apartment in an attempt to kill him, but those plans don't quite work out as Gunther set up a deadly trap for him.

Soon after, Gunther goes full-on crazy as he dresses as an SS soldier in the attic while watching movie reels of Hitler while posing as the Nazi he is in front of a mirror. 

He paints his face in women's makeup, and then pursues Bancroft as his next victim.

When she returns home one evening, Bancroft finds several rats in her refrigerator. Scared, she then finds Steiner's body submerged under water in her bathtub with a swastika cut into his forehead. 

Gunther is standing behind her in the apartment watching her freak out.

She tries to flee, but the doctor rigs the entire building with various devices to trap her inside.

So, she tries getting her neighbors to help, but finds they've all been brutally murdered. 

The only place left for her to go is the attic, and then into Gunther's crawlspace. 

As far as shock value and uneasiness goes, I'd pair "Crawlspace" with other movies such as "Tourist Trap," and "Alice, Sweet Alice." 

In fact, director David Schmoeller directed "Tourist Trap" as well as the horror movie "Puppet Master" (1989). He has a talent for making movies with uncomfortable and creepy (in the truest meaning of the word) situations, images, and scenarios. Schmoeller can create a horror scene that stays in your mind for years, which your memory will reluctantly comeback to again and again.

Kinski's performance carries all the horror in this film. As hard as it is to believe, despite the subject matter of this slasher flick, it does hold back a lot as far as shock value goes. Some scenes are more gruesome than others, but a lot of the horror depicted is the aftermath of Gunther's heinous actions. 

It's more of a cringe psychological horror than an actual slasher, though it does have its share of gore. 

Even with the sleazy and uncomfortable setting, the story has potential to be a one of those thrillers that audiences would have talked about for decades.

Kinski creates a completely distasteful character, which is what Gunther is supposed to be. Kinski brings the uneasiness that wafts around Gunther immediately. He never relents. 

It brings Anthony Hopkin's character "Hannibal Lecter" to mind. Hopkins somehow manages to present Lecter, a sick and twisted homicidal cannibal murderer, to the audience with a touch of likeability. 

Maybe it's his calm demeanor, or his intelligence, or his sophistication that make audiences want to like him. That's the scary part of Lecter.

Kinski's character also has a calm demeanor, but his background is wrapped in Nazism. He grew up hating and never bothered to get past it. Gunther let it take over for the thrill of being that powerful. 

He creates a character audiences want to hate. He has no redeeming qualities. Kinski is perfect for a role like this. But "Crawlspace" has too much of a lazy feel to it. The rest of the film, and the other performances, are underwhelming and completely predictable. The poor decisions of the characters, such as Steiner walking into Gunther's apartment when he thinks he's not around, give "Crawlspace" its obvious outcomes. How do all these murders take place without any suspicion or police investigation?

Why didn't Bancroft ever call the police when the opportunity presented itself? She didn't seem to try very hard to take him down. 

This is where I'm torn about the movie. Kinski portrays a horrific killer character impressively well. Dr. Gunther's psychological issues and general scariness is on par with other sadistic psychopathic doctors like Dr. Lector or Dr. Josef Heiter (Dieter Laser) from "The Human Centipede" (2009). 

On the other hand, the movie is another typical maniac slasher versus naive damsels in distress kind of kind of movie. These were common in the 1970s and carried on heavily into the 1980s. Some were mindless. Others were strong in their depictions of female protagonists who were anything but weak and naive. Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) from "Halloween" (1978) comes to mind right away. I'm not surprised this character has endured in the mainstream for more than 40 years. 

Even though Bancroft takes down her insane and sick adversary, Dr. Gunther, she does so not through strength, wit, and determination to fight back, but by luck. She manages to elude him for a short while, but when he catches up, she just continues to run until she can't anymore. 

Somewhere hidden in the story is nothing but an attempt to titillate the lower passions of the audience - at least the sickos in the audience, and their sick fantasies. 

Kinski's character, and the psychological issues going on upstairs in his mind, is the only interesting part of this flick. The rest isn't worth the film it's printed on. 

I'm including horror movie trivia into my posts now! That's fun, right? Either way, there it is. The answer will be in my next post...

Which horror film character was born at 6 a.m. on the 6th day of the 6th month? 

*Answer to the question from my last post, "The Boogeyman" = "I Spit on Your Grave."

156) NEW HORROR RELEASES - The Boogeyman (2023)

"Don't let it out!" 

Director

Rob Savage

Cast
Chris Messina - Dr. Will Harper
David Dastmalchian - Lester Billings
Sophie Thatcher - Sadie Harper
Vivien Lyra Blair - Sawyer Harper
Marin Ireland - Rita Billings
Madison Hu - Bethany

🕱 Possible spoilers ahead... 🕱

Horror writer Stephen King's name is back on the big screen. Unexpectedly, too. At least, for me. I didn't hear about this movie until a month or two ago. Director Rob Savage brings a loose adaptation of King's short story "The Boogeyman" to the screen just in time for summer. 

King's short story was originally published in the March 1973 issue of "Cavalier Magazine." It was later published in his first collection of short stories titled "Night Shift" (1978).  

His story focuses on Lester Billings as he visits Dr. Harper's psychiatry office. Billings opens about the deaths of his children who shouted "boogeyman" before they died under strange circumstances. It's a creepy story as it centers on a father's horrific situation that's beyond his control and worse, beyond belief. But, it's true. A monster emerges from the shadows of the closet and claims innocent children as its victims. It's like a retelling of a classic story.

The movie, however, has the monster terrorize Dr. Will Harper (Chris Messina) and his oldest daughter Sadie (Sophie Thatcher) and younger daughter Sawyer (Vivien Lyra Blair) whom the monster narrows in on. 

As the movie begins, the family is grieving and trying to carry on after the death of their mother. Dr. Harper is struggling to cope with the loss of his wife while trying to care for his daughters. 

Lester Billings (David Dastmalchian) visits Dr. Harper without an appointment to seek help regarding the death of his child and this monster that attached itself to his family. Harper has his clinic in his house. While talking to Billings, he excuses himself in order to contact other medical professionals as he thinks this stranger is truly delusional and in need to further help. 

While Harper is on the phone, Billings starts wandering around the house. Finally, Sadie finds Billings dead in her mother's art room closet. Before finding him in there, she heard what sounded like two people fighting.

Soon, the monster starts making itself known to Sawyer in her bedroom at night. Sadie doesn't believe Sawyer's claims of a monster coming into her room, but after a few strange experiences she grows curious. 

She even pays a visit to Billings house where his widow, Rita (Marin Ireland) still lives. She seems to know a lot about this thing, and even creates a plan to draw it out and kill it. 

Sadie witnesses Rita injure the creature in a trap. So, she attempts to take it down herself. 

The actual monster looks more like an alien when the audience is able to get a good look at it. For most of the movie, all we're treated to is beady glowing eyes and silhouettes, with quick glimpses in between. It's also able to mimic voices to fool its child victims. 

Savage manages to take King's retelling of a classic story and turn "The Boogeyman" into a horror movie that I refer to as "daisy chain horror." I talked about daisy chain horror stories in my review of the 2022 movie "Smile." 

In that post I said, "In these sorts of movies, the only way for the main character to dispel or overcome the evil or curse haunting them is to pass it on to someone else. To be rid of evil, they have to commit evil. It's a terrible premise. No one comes out any better. Events go from bad to worse, and then the story is over. It's not really a resolution. It's just an ending." The 2002 movie "The Ring" is a great example of such a horror movie. 

To its credit, "The Boogeyman" does leave the audience with some satisfaction. Still, in true King fashion, that satisfaction is tarnished with subtle uncertainty. 

With "The Boogeyman," the evil seems to infect victims through its own choice, although the scene in which Lester Billings visits Dr. Harper and then dies in his home implies Billings may have intentionally brought the creature to the doctor's family. Or, perhaps, he somehow knew the monster would be victimizing the grieving family, so he tried to somehow stop it. Honestly, I don't know. It's vague.

Sophie Thatcher, Chris Messina, and Vivien Lyra Blair in "The Boogeyman." 

With so many King stories adapted into film, Savage has a lot of competition when it comes to making a memorable King movie. Maybe if the movie stuck to King's original story frame, it may have been more unsettling and scarier than what we got. The premise of a helpless father facing an unimaginable yet real unearthly evil that took his children, and watching how he deals with such a thing, is much more chilling than what Savage came up with. Having an audience put themselves in Billings' shoes would be more memorable a movie experience. Otherwise, this movie feels like the producers were trying to make something different, veering off from King's storyline, only to come up with a horror movie that closely resembles stuff seen over and over again.
As the monster lives in shadow and flees from light, I got the sense that it uses shadows like a highway, travelling from one dark place to another at quick speed even in the middle of the day.
Savage's isn't the first movie adaptation of "The Boogeyman." There's a short film also called "The Boogeyman" from 1982, directed by Jeff C. Shiro. It's more of a faithful adaptation to the original short story. I found a copy of it on VHS, which was one hell of a challenge.
Savage's film is heavy with thrilling suspense as it keeps all things in the dark (literally and figuratively) until the end. And by then, there's still some elements that either need explaining, interpretation, or are just left to stay in the dark. The ending does give a nod to King's ending.

It's not the worst adaptation of a Stephen King story. That "honor" goes to the 1992 flick "The Lawnmower Man." Still, it's far from the best. There's nothing about it that makes it stand out other than King's name attached to it. Otherwise, I've seen this kind of horror movie several times before.

~

I'm including horror movie trivia into my posts now! That's fun, right? Either way, there it is. The answer will be in my next post...

Silent film comedian Buster Keaton's granddaughter, Camille Keaton, stars in what controversial 1978 revenge horror flick which was remade in 2010?

*Answer to the question from my last post, "Critters" = Puppet Master. 

155) Critters (1986)

"Call the Army! They're here!"

Director

Stephen Herek

Cast

Dee Wallace - Helen Brown

Scott Grimes- Brad Brown
Nadine van der Velde - April Brown
Billy "Green" Bush - Jay Brown

M. Emmet Walsh - Harv

Don Keith Opper - Charlie McFadden
Billy Zane - Steve Elliot
Lin Shaye - Sally
Terrence Mann - Ug / Johnny Steele

"Critters" is a 1986 sci-fi comedy creature feature that somehow led to a franchise with four sequels between 1988 and 2019. It also spawned a web-television series called "Critters: A New Binge" that premiered on the Shudder streaming service in 2019. It's a reboot to the original story with eight 10-minute episodes none of which I've ever seen it. 

That same year, the fifth feature film in the series, "Critters Attack!" came out. Actress Dee Wallace, who stars in the first movie, returns to the franchise in this fifth movie. So, evidently the Critters are still carrying on. 

I've only seen the first movie and the sequel "Critters 2: The Main Course." I know I've at least seen parts of the sequel. As for the entire franchise, it has never interested me much until now. One thing I do remember clearly about "Critters" is Raphael's reaction to it in the 1990 movie "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles."

"Where do they come up with this stuff?" Raph asks himself as he walks out of a movie theater that's playing "Critters." 

The movie starts out in space as a jail within an asteroid housing a bunch of dangerous criminal aliens called Krites. They're scheduled to be transferred to another space jail.

However, the Krites escape their prison and hijack a spaceship which heads towards Earth. 

The warden of the prison sends out two shapeshifting bounty hunters to follow the Krites and capture them.

These bounty hunters have studied life on Earth by tapping into television signals so they're well prepared. One of these bounty hunters named Ug (Terrence Mann) takes the form of rock star Johnny Steele. It's convenient for Ug because this makes him look 80s badass. The other bounty hunter can't decide who to transform into. 

Meanwhile, out in rural Kansas, the Brown family run a farm,
The patriarch of the Brown clan, Jay (Billy "Green" Bush) and his wife Helen (Dee Wallace) have a couple of teenage kids - Brad (Scott Grimes) and his older sister April (Nadine van der Velde).

Much to his dad's chagrin, Brad spends a lot of time assembling firecrackers. April, meanwhile, is preoccupied with her boyfriend, Steve (Billy Zane). 

Also living in this random Kansas town is former local baseball pitcher turned local boozer, Charlie McFadden (Don Keith Opper). He works as an auto mechanic while crying about alien abductions and flying saucers as foretold through radio signals picked up on his dental fillings. 

Late one night, Brad sees the Krite's spaceship hurl towards Earth, which he mistakes as a meteorite. 

So, he and Jay go to investigate. But little do they know what this "meteorite" really is. 

As they approach the crash site, they spot the furry and ferocious Krites feeding on a cow. 

They frighten the Krites off. These creatures are still hungry, so they go look for a meal elsewhere. They end up finding two police officers whom they dine on. 

The Krites then make their way to the Brown's farm where they torment the family in an attempt to make them their next meal. 

While "Critters" is a somewhat fun screwball horror flick, nothing about it is scary. It's not even accidentally scary nor suspenseful.

It's more about whatever creepiness it hurls at the audience, mixed with humor. That humor is found in the outlandishness of the whole scenario. Somewhere lurking in the cracks. It has a hint of creature feature satire. The creepiness, though, is mild and underwhelming. 

The audience is treated to some of the banter the little creatures have as they react to the humans they're battling. 

In one scene, a Krite finds an E.T. toy in Brad's room. 

"Who are you?" it asks the toy before it bites its head off in anger.

In another scene, when the Browns start pulling out the shotguns, one of the Krites tells another, "They have guns!"

"So what?" the Krite replies before its buddy is blown away off the porch.

"F_ck!" it exclaims.

The comedy still holds up.

"Critters" is often compared to the 1984 horror comedy creature feature, "Gremlins" directed by Joe Dante. "Gremlins" has much more suspense going for it. 

Speaking of which, I think the splinter in the side of "Critters" and its director, Stephen Herek, is the claim that it's a rip-off of "Gremlins." The latter did spark a monster trend in movies at the time. 

A post from "VHS Revival" claims Herek had a script for "Critters" before "Gremlins" went into production. After Dante's film was released, the Critters' script went through multiple revisions so as to avoid any similarities. 

Dante, however, recently said in a May 16, 2023 interview with Spencer Perry at comicbook.com that among the list of Gremlin rip-offs (i.e. "Ghoulies," "Troll," "Munchies," "Hobgoblins," and of course "Critters") Herek's movie is his favorite.
"Hobgoblins is pretty bad," Dante told comicbook.com. "To be fair. Everybody was trying to do what we were doing on less money. And I think Critters is probably the best one because it's got the Chiodo brothers and they have, they're very talented guys. But the editor of Gremlins was Tina Hirsch and she directed Munchies, the first Munchies movie and, uh talk about a low budget movie. I mean, they couldn't afford really any monsters. So the monsters are like clothing remnants. They, they don't, they don't seem to have any heads or tails or anything. It's just a bunch of clothing wrapped up and thrown at people. It was just not good."

The Chiodo brothers are three siblings who work as special effects artists. 

Herek, by the way, is also well known for directing the 1989 comedy "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" along with "The Mighty Ducks" and "Mr. Holland's Opus."

I think "Critters" tries to throw an element of surprise similar to the way Gremlins multiply by the hundreds when they get wet. In this case, the Critters shoot out stingers as a form of attack. It doesn't quite work out for Critters because they don't seem to do anything aside from hurt. These stingers knock out some of their victims. Other times, they don't seem to do anything at all. I guess it makes them a little more menacing as though the mouth of sharp teeth and bad attitudes weren't enough.

The Gremlins multiply by the hundreds... thousands...as a result of making contact with water. And water is everywhere. There's more to entice fear and interest in that scenario. There's only a handful of Critters in this movie which fails to surprise. 

Billy 'Green' Bush and Dee Wallace in "Critters."

Still, the Critters bear a mouthful of razor-sharp teeth, and burning red eyes. They're prison escapees from an asteroid space jail. They arrive by stealing a spaceship. That's quite a list of ferocious characteristics. That much might be enough.

The movie overall is as essential a Friday night popcorn creature flicks as they come. And it has a nice cast of horror movie icons like Dee Wallace ("Cujo," "E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial," "The Howling," "The Hills Have Eyes"), Lin Shaye ("A Nightmare on Elm Street," "Insidious"), Billy Zane ("Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight"), and M. Emmet Walsh. 

By the way, if Hollywood ever makes a biopic of Ernest Hemingway, Billy Zane ought to be cast in the lead role. I see some resemblance there. Also, for those who didn't know, Zane's sister is Lisa Zane who plays Maggie in the sixth "A Nightmare on Elm Street" movie, "Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare." 

Speaking of faces, M. Emmet Walsh's who has appeared in over 200 movies and television shows, has a very recognizable face. He has appeared in a lot of well-known flicks such as "Airport '77," "The Jerk" "Blade Runner," and "Knives Out." 

"Critters" has a lot of the typical horror tropes. Before the audience gets a good look at these critters, the camera pans low to simulate their point of view as the creatures scope out the house. The Browns are a typical all-American family with a farming dad, his lovely wife, oldest teenage daughter and younger rambunctious son. 

Of course, such a horror story isn't complete without the phone dying and the lights going out. 

The layout is clearly absurd. The filmmakers were definitely making something here for the fun of it. Seeing the movie for what it is, it's an overall entertaining film that knows how absurd and fanciful it is. 

"Critters" has a rightful niche in the horror genre. It's a fun little movie the carries with it all the entertaining, though predictable, horror standards that have become a nostalgic trip to watch.

It has flesh eating escaped convict aliens from outer space. They terrorize a typical rural Americana family and trap them in their farmhouse. These little monsters take out their power and their telephones. And then the fun begins. Somehow, it manages to slip through the door to be a cult-horror classic. 

I'm including horror movie trivia into my posts now! That's fun, right? Either way, there it is. The answer will be in my next post...

Which of these two franchises has the most sequels - "Puppet Master" or "Child's Play?"

154) NEW HORROR RELEASES - The Menu (2022)

"Chefs - they play with the raw materials of life itself, and death itself."

Director

Mark Mylod

Cast

Ralph Fiennes - Chef Slowik
Anya Taylor-Joy - Margot

Nicholas Hoult - Tyler
Hong Chau - Elsa

Paul Adelstein - Ted
Janet McTeer - Lillian
John Leguizamo - The movie star
Aimee Carrero - Felicity
Reed Birney - Richard
Judith Light - Anne
Rob Yang - Bryce
Arturo Castro - Soren
Mark St. Cyr - Dave
Rebecca Koon - Linda

First, the rant...

I know this is a very broad and general critique, but I'm going to say it anyways. Foodies can be some of the most pretentious people on the planet. 

By "foodie" I'm referring to folks out there who have a passionate or "refined" love for food. So much so that it makes me wonder if they forgot the purpose of eating in the first place.

They eat as hobby. Many of them broadcast themselves as "food experts" and they somehow obtain a celebrity status because of it. They're so prestigious thanks to their knowledge of grub that they appear as judges on baking shows, and such. They know...oh, how they do know...what a randomly concocted cake, baked right on the spot, sometimes with randomly required ingredients, is "supposed" to taste like. If you don't believe me, just tune into the Food Network and watch shows like "Halloween Baking Championship," "Cupcake Wars," or "Worst Bakers in America" and watch them talk cakes. I can go a lengthy tirade around the show "Worst Bakers in America." What a tool that show is to fuel the already over-inflated egos of the judging "baking experts." I can't imagine an easier way for an expert chef to make themselves and their talents look more awesome and amazing than by comparing or contrasting themselves with people who have no idea what they're doing. Slow clap for the experts!

These food experts make themselves notables to be respected and revered because of their food knowledge and cooking abilities. I appreciate talent and expertise. Don't get me wrong. 

Some don't quite make it to such lofty televised levels but still manage to build overblown personas to some degree or another. Not all of them. But too many.

Some of these foodies have a knack for making their food just as showy and often ostentatious as they are. Why would anyone want to go to a restaurant and order something like a "deconstructed hamburger" or "deconstructed egg rolls?" And obviously other food snobs order such "distinguished" dishes so they can partake in the distinguishment of these distinguished distinguishables. Broken menu items! Now that's sophistication! 

And what's more hilarious to me is the cultish behavior around celebrity chefs on television. They demand up-and-coming pawns below them to respect them like holy figures or drill sergeants. 

"Yes, chef!" the peons will shout on command the moment the celebrity master chef commands them to "cook for me."

These sweaty and nervous cooks will prepare some "sumptuous" plate that may include ingredients like lemon foam or some such nonsense, along with an "essence" of some other nonsense no one else would eat even on a dare. They may garnish their plate with something like an oyster leaf (whatever the hell that is). And when they present their dish to their master chef, they'll toss out words or phrases like "roulade," "artisanal," "Provençal," "from Moldova" or "foraged" as descriptors in a final effort to appease and impress their master. Then this master of theirs will swiftly nit-pick each and every flaw in their dish before calling them an "idiot sandwich" and tossing out their meal. Newspaper editors do kind of the same thing, but that's another rant for another day.

By the way, my favorite food-term description I once heard is "mouthfeel." Mouthfeel! It sounds like some dirty porno term. Does that mean flavor? I want tasty food when I go to a restaurant, not an intellectual exercise. By the way, if anyone reading this ever has the "pleasure" of dining out with me, and I start moaning in ecstasy as I eat my food while describing the "mouthfeel," please don't hesitate to take me outside and hose me down.

When it comes to food, fancy words somehow enhance the draw of food. Obviously. And I understand presentation is key, especially when people are paying exorbitant prices for lunch or dinner. Hardly anyone outside of the Crème de la Crème of affluent foodies know what the hell a lot of these intricate food terms mean, anyways. But who cares? Fancy means better. 

The highfalutin foodies know all too well that fancy words justify "fancy" (ahem...higher) prices. Who can really justify paying $40 for a "deconstructed" burger, which is an inventive way of saying a hamburger that the cook couldn't bother to properly assemble, when they can pay less for an actual assembled burger made with the same ingredients? 

I once saw a video online, posted by a particular, normally vulgar, celebrity chef demonstrating the "right way" to scramble an egg. Give me a break! I'll take scrambled eggs and bacon cooked at a truck stop diner over scrambled eggs and bacon served in some gaudy way, say like on a popsicle stick or with eggs laid by...I don't know... Moldovan pygmy chickens.

Pretentious persons like these are the reason why the whoopee cushion and silly string were invented. 

Even with all that said, I love a well-prepared meal, especially when it comes to Italian food. Quality and originality are always appealing and appetizing. Still, listening to garish cooks is grima. That means it's like listening to nails on a chalkboard for those not as garrulous and verbose as I and don't know what "grima" means. I had to Google it myself to figure it out.

Anyways, this gripe of mine is primarily the reason why I love the 2022 comedic horror movie "The Menu." 

And now, the plot...

Ralph Fiennes stars as Chef Julian Slowik in "The Menu."

The film starts with a foodie of course. Tyler (Nicholas Hoult) and his date, Margot (Anya Taylor-Joy)
catch a ferry to a high-end restaurant called Hawthorn. It's located on a private island and owned by celebrity chef Julian Slowik (Ralph Fiennes). 

The dinner they're attending is by invitation only. The other guests include well-known and respected food critic Lillian Bloom (Janet McTeer) and her editor (Paul Adelstein), Hollywood actor George Diaz (John Leguizamo) and his personal assistant (Aimee Carrero), a trio of business partners named Bryce (Rob Yang), Soren (Arturo Castro) and Dave (Mark St. Cyr), Hawthorn regulars Richard and Anne Leibrandt (Reed Birney and Judith Light), and Slowik's drunk mom Linda (Rebecca Koon). 

Tyler is gung-ho about meeting Slowik whom he idolizes. He's desperate to be noticed by Slowik, and make a lasting impression.
When all the guests arrive at the island, they're given a tour of the facilities by the maître d'hôtel, Elsa (Hong Chau) who explains how regimented life is on the island. The chefs that cook at Hawthorn live on the premises.

She shows them the smokehouse in which meats are prepared "in the Nordic tradition" as well as Slowik's personal cabin where no one on the island is ever permitted in - not even staff closest to him. 

Elsa notices that Margot is not Tyler's original and intended companion invited to the dinner. 

However, when dinner begins, and each course is introduced, Slowik gives a sort of oration to introduce each dish and the purpose behind each one. 

His explanations become more and more personal and disturbing either for Slowik or for the guests as each course is introduced. 

Soon, he reveals to his guests that each of them was invited simply because they either killed his passion for cooking, or they greedily profited by exploiting the art and craft of gourmet cooking one way or another. 

Finally, my thoughts...

Nicholas Hoult and Anya Taylor-Joy star in "The Menu."

I love satire, and this is definitely satire at its exquisite formal best. The comedy fits in perfectly with the ambiance and atmosphere of the story. 

Since all of these guests have something to do with Slowik's demise, they're not getting out alive at the end of the meal. 

While the acting is superb, the gleaming gem of the movie is the presentation. Both the restaurant staff and their patrons are just as pompous and odd ball as the dishes they're presented, and which they fawn over high on the fumes of their own sophistication. So much so, they have no idea how foolish they are. When the characters having their supper aren't tripping over themselves to appreciate the food more than anyone else eating the same thing, they're dumbfounded like a deer in the headlights of a big rig truck clueless about what to do.

One dish Slowik presents is a bread plate without bread. The only thing on this breadless bread plate are dipping sauces. He presents this dish stating that bread is the food of the common man, and those dining are not common. 
"And so tonight... you get no bread."

Of course, these foodies eat it all up, though there's nothing to actually eat. It's clear that Slowik knows serving food without any food is completely stupid, and the patrons who drool over it are simply fakes. He can see it, but they can't. 

The final act is one of the best moments I've ever seen in a movie's final act. It's the pièce de résistance that earns the chef's kiss. 

Still, Slowik fails in one regard. Despair.

"We strive for perfection, which of course does not exist, and that is a hard truth for me to accept," Slowik says later in the film. 

In this temporal world, sure. We can strive for perfection. We're called to perfection. It does exist. We'll never achieve it, but we can still try. In this regard, he's just as foolish as his dinner guests. As far as food goes, as long as food judges judge, yes....there is no perfect dish.

But the cherry on top of this wonderful film is Judith Light who plays Angela Bower on the sitcom "Who's the Boss." I haven't seen her a while. It's cool to see her again.

Director Mark Mylod's name can be seen in a lot of television shows such as the pilot episode for "Once Upon a Time," as well as "Game of Thrones." He created a fantastic movie here. 

The satirical comedy is dainty and exquisite, and the horror is seen in the trepidation that slowly creeps in as the movie progresses. Mwah!

153) Hereditary (2018)

"We have looked to the northwest and called you in."

Director

Ari Aster

Cast
Toni Collette - Annie Graham
Gabriel Byrne - Steve Graham
Milly Shapiro - Charlie Graham
Alex Wolff - Peter Graham
Ann Dowd - Joan
Mallory Bechtel - Bridget


I reviewed director Ari Aster's 2019 popular psychological horror/thriller "Midsommar" back in 2020. Eventually I would write something about his other popular psychological horror/thriller "Hereditary" - Aster's breakout film which was released the year before "Midsommar." 

This is the second time I've watched "Hereditary." Fellow horror fans recommended it to me back in 2018. It caught me off guard when I initially saw it. The movie came across as daring in its horror elements. 

This time, I caught a lot more subtle details I initially missed since I knew what to expect the second time.

At first, I thought it was a decent horror movie with scenes that stuck with me. I initially found it truly unsettling. I liked it a lot as a horror film. Have my thoughts changed after seeing it again?

In "Hereditary," Toni Collette plays Annie Graham, a mother of two and an artist in miniature models. She lives with her psychiatrist husband, Steven (Gabriel Byrne), their teenage son, Peter (Alex Wolff) and 13-year-old daughter, Charlie (Milly Shapiro). 

The story starts as Annie and her family attend her mother, Ellen's, funeral. Annie wasn't close to her mom.

A short time after the funeral, Steven gets a call from the cemetery informing him that Ellen's gravesite was desecrated. No other details are really given as to why. These things just happen, or do they?

Later, Peter is invited to a party. Annie wants him to bring Charlie which he reluctantly does. 

At the party, Charlie, who has a severe nut allergy, eats a slice of chocolate cake that's cut with a knife someone used to chop walnuts. 

While Peter is up in a bedroom smoking a bong, Charlie goes into anaphylactic shock.

He speeds down a country road to get his sister to a hospital. Charlie, sitting in the back seat, rolls down the window and sticks her head out for air. 

When Peter swerves to avoid a dead dear in the road, he maneuvers too close to a telephone pole. It hit's Charlie causing her to become decapitated. 

After this horrific tragedy, things quickly turn grim in the Graham house. The relationship between Annie and Peter starts diminishing. 

During this time, Annie joins a support group for those grieving the death of loved ones. There, she meets a member named Joan (Ann Dowd). After talking to her a couple of times, Joan convinces Annie to come by her apartment.

When she does stop by, she teaches Annie how to conduct a séance. Joan claims she has successfully made conduct with her deceased grandson whom she has been communicating with on a regular basis.

It takes Annie a bit to register the paranormal phenomenon she witnesses at Joan's apartment.

Toni Collette as Annie Graham in "Hereditary."

So, she tries contacting the soul of her daughter at home. She does manage to make contact, or so she thinks. 

Peter starts experiencing unexplainable activity around him, even while at school. His sanity becomes strained because of it.

Annie returns to Joan's apartment. Her door is unlocked but she's not home. Inside, Annie notices familiar symbols indicating Joan may not be quite what she appears to be.

Based on what she saw at Joan's, Annie starts going through her mother's boxed up belongings. She finds a photo album with pictures of Joan and Annie together conducting some strange cult ceremonies with other people. Annie figures out that her mother was a leader in a dark cult.

Meanwhile, the paranormal events take on an evil tone, and Annie believes Charlie's spirit has become vengeful. 

The entity she brought in becomes more than Annie can control, and it takes over the family. 

I initially thought "Hereditary" is well made. As far as execution, pace, acting and being scary, I still think it's well made. That's as far as it goes. The story doesn't offer anything worth retaining.

I host a film discussion group at my library, and we discussed this film a few nights ago. 

One participant pointed out that Ari Aster doesn't seem to like Christians. I think they're right. 

I don't know for sure if Aster hates Christians or not. It's all speculation and interpretation based on his two popular movies. But if these two popular films are any indication, signs seem to point towards a general disdain for religion. Again, maybe this is an incorrect observation? 

"Hereditary" depicts what evil can do (or what Hollywood thinks evil can do), leaving goodness and holiness in some unknown unobtainable place, and having the deadly cult come out accomplishing its goal. Yet, the cult and its destructive activities isn't necessarily glorified. It destroys the Graham family, taking it over in the process, and it all leads to death and the demonic - literally. It's evil and is presented as such. Still, because of the evil demon's desire to take over the family, there's nothing they can do to stop it. Goodness and providence aren't even considered. Annie only turns to herself to stop this evil but fails completely. This is pretty much how most demonic horror movies are portrayed. 

Basically, the premise gives me mixed messages. I don't know what to take from this story. 

The pace of the story is well executed, the horror elements having quite the staying power, and Toni Collette gives an amazing performance. Otherwise, the story is too muddled. 

I think the acting, the realism, the strong emotions, and horror visuals which don't hold back are what make "Hereditary" the success it is among horror fans. 

Watching "Hereditary" made me think of the things I said about the film "Midsommar." I initially gave that movie positive remarks. Maybe I need to reevaluate it as it also depicts religion as something positive and welcoming on the outside, but sinister, evil, and deadly on the inside. I don't know how I missed that the first time. When it comes to Hollywood and religion - any religion - Hollywood rarely gets the basic tenants of most religions right. Evil is evil, and good is ever present and stronger.

Hollywood certainly doesn't agree. In most horror films, especially those depicting possession and demonic entities, Hollywood likes to portray the evil as unconquerable and the good as aloof.
With "Hereditary" it's the same scenario, more or less. The cult and its destructive activities aren't necessarily glorified. It's evil and is presented as such. Still, because of the evil demon's desire to take over the family, there's nothing Annie can do to stop it. Goodness and providence aren't even considered. Annie only turns to herself to stop this evil but fails completely. 

At the end scene, Joan is seen crowning Peter now possessed by the evil entity referred to as "Paimon - one of the eight kings of hell." She says, "We reject the trinity and pray devoutly to you, great Paimon. Give us your knowledge of all secret things, bring us honor, wealth, and good familiars. Bind all men to our will as we have bound ourselves for now and ever to yours."

Evil is evil, but it wins regardless... is the message I got out of this. 

Watching this a second time, I picked up on the subtle hints and references to what's really going on unbeknownst to Annie and her family. It grows more and more apparent as the story progresses.
Toni Collette gives a great method performance. All her fear, anger, and sadness are portrayed with amazing realism. Her reactions are how I would imagine a mother reacting to such unbelievably traumatic situations like the ones Annie and her family go through. 

Aside from that, it's just another typical ghost story that leaves nothing for the audience but a couple shocks, scares and disappointment. The story is just as mundane and formulaic as most other demonic-themed horror movies out there. 

"Hereditary" carries the tag "This generation's 'The Exorcist' but heads will spin more savagely." Well, my head is spinning but not for the reasons they think. And it's definitely no "The Exorcist."