Director
John Harrison
Cast
Deborah Harry - Betty
Matthew Lawrence - Timmy
Lot 249
Christian Slater - Andy
Steve Buscemi - Bellingham
Julianne Moore - Susan
Cat from Hell
William Hickey - Drogan
David Johansen - Halston
Lover's Vow
James Remar - Preston
Rae Dawn Chong - Carola
Robert Klein - Wyatt
I've mentioned the series before when I wrote about obscure movies and shows based on the works of Stephen King.
"Tales from the Darkside" ran from 1984 to 1988 on CBS. After the weekly horror series ended, the show's producer, Richard Rubinstein, went on to produce another horror anthology show called "Monsters." I've also mentioned this series in my list of Stephen King movies. "Monsters" ran from 1988 to 1991 and is a series I'd like to look into more. The only episode I've seen of "Monsters" is titled "The Moving Finger," based on a short story by King.
Both shows featured celebrity appearances similar to another horror series of tales I just wrote about that aired on HBO.
"Tales from the Darkside" somehow managed to earn itself a movie in 1990 called "Tales from the Darkside: The Movie." How original. And, like its source material, it has quite a list of celebrity actors in its three tales of terror. The stories come from the minds of Michael McDowell, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, and... surprise... Stephen King.
The film begins with a wraparound segment starring rock singer Deborah Harry as a modern ghoulish witch named Betty, who's keeping a young boy, Timmy (Matthew Lawrence, "Mrs. Doubtfire"), locked in a cell. She feeds him cookies in the hopes of fattening him up because she's planning a dinner party, and Timmy is the main course.
Timmy tries to stall the witch by reading tales from a book she left in the cell with him—her favorite book when she was a child.
Screenwriter Michael McDowell starts the storytelling off with Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's short story "Lot No. 249."
In this tale, Steve Buscemi plays graduate student Edward Bellingham, who's a lover of antiquities and has been framed by two fellow students, Susan (Julianne Moore) and her boyfriend, Lee (Robert Sedgwick).
They stole a valuable museum piece and planted it in Bellingham's dorm room.
With the university breathing down his neck, as they think he's guilty of the theft, this betrayal will ruin his opportunity to obtain a scholarship.
Bellingham obtains an ancient mummy that he is able to reanimate by reciting words found on a parchment buried with the mummy.
As the mummy is under his control, he uses the corpse to murder both Lee and Susan in the same ancient Egyptian way it was preserved centuries ago. Back then, according to the film, Egyptians would extract the deceased's brains through its nose with a metal hook. Its insides were then removed and replaced with flowers and spices.
Susan's brother, Andy (Christian Slater), quickly figures out what is taking place behind Susan and Lee's murders.
He knocks Bellingham out and ties him up in a chair. Andy's plan is to get Bellingham to summon the mummy so he can destroy it. After that, he'll set Bellingham on fire.
Andy is able to destroy the mummy. But when he gets to the killing part of his plan, he can't bring himself to do it.
Later, Bellingham brings Susan and Lee back to life to obtain revenge on Andy.
McDowell's screenwriting credits include work on the TV series as well as on "Monsters," "Tales from the Crypt," "Amazing Stories," and "Beetlejuice." He's also a novelist and an all-around talented writer.
The story itself is a bit bland, and I say that with all respect to Arthur Conan Doyle. Though the premise certainly has the feel of classic horror, it's the lackluster performances in this segment that make it lackluster.
As the students are all upper-class, preppy '90s kids, they're all played without much personality or emotion. Julianne Moore screaming is the only time anyone in the story emotes.
This segment feels like a palate cleanser.
The horror is grotesque right away and continues through the film. The horrific imagery is what stands out most about "Tales from the Darkside: The Movie."
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| David Johansen in Tales from the Darkside: The Movie |
George Romero takes this short story from Stephen King and includes it as the second tale.
It's both the most humorous story and the most disturbing as far as disgusting imagery is concerned. Spoilers ahead... because I have to mention the ending.
A wealthy old businessman named Drogan (William Hickey) hires a killer, Halston (David Johansen), to take out a simple house cat.
Drogan informs Halston that he owned a pharmaceutical company that used cats as test subjects for new drugs. This testing resulted in the deaths of thousands of felines. So, Drogan believes this cat, which suddenly appeared on the doorstep one day, intends to gain revenge on the entire household.
Drogan relates how the cat is responsible for killing his two sisters, Amanda (Dolores Sutton) and Carolyn (Alice Drummond, "Ghostbusters"). It also took out their family butler, Richard (Mark Margolis). Now, Drogan is next.
Halston, of course, thinks Drogan is out of his mind. But since he's paying big money, he accepts the job to simply kill a cat.
Drogan leaves him while Halston gets to work.
As he tries to take the cat out, Halston discovers it's his most difficult job yet.
When Drogan returns, he finds Halston's dead body on the floor.
The cat had leapt onto his face, forced its way into his mouth, crawled down his throat, and into his body. And the audience sees the entire thing happen.
As Drogan stares at Halston's body, the cat comes back out of Halston's mouth and leaps onto Drogan's lap. The shock leads to Drogan having a heart attack.
It's a predictable story, but Johansen certainly has fun with the role. He gives a lot of energy, infuriatingly yelling at this cat that's getting the better of him.
Evidently, this story was intended to appear in the 1987 horror anthology movie "Creepshow 2" but was ultimately scrapped.
The segment has the feel of a tale to be told in the "Creepshow" franchise, with its awkward angles, many of which are from the cat's point of view, and comic-book-esque flashback sequences shot with a blue filter.
Seeing a cat crawl in and crawl out of Johansen through his mouth is a well-done effect and a truly unforgettable scene.
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| James Remar as "Preston" in the story Lover's Vow. |
A struggling artist, Preston (James Remar), lives alone in a studio apartment. A stone gargoyle on an adjacent building happens to face into his apartment through the skylight. His agent, Wyatt (Robert Klein), calls, asking to meet at a bar near Preston's apartment.
When Preston finally arrives, Wyatt doesn't beat around the bush. He tells Preston that his artwork isn't selling and that he's dropping him as a client.
Feeling demoralized, Preston stays at the bar and drinks a few more.
Before he knows it, it's closing time. The bartender offers to get him home, as he's too plastered to take himself home.
As the two exit into the alley, Preston takes a moment to relieve himself. Meanwhile, the bartender sees a winged gargoyle standing right there in the alley. So, he starts shooting.
The creature tears the bartender's hand off and then rips off his head.
It then turns its attention to Preston, who begs the creature to spare his life.
"Your life in exchange for a promise," the creature says.
Of course, Preston agrees.
"If I let you go, you must swear you'll never say you saw me, never say you heard me speak, never tell anyone how I look, never repeat what I've said. A promise... forever," it says.
He hesitates a bit, until the gargoyle raises its hand to strike. Then he promises.
"Cross your heart," the gargoyle says as it claws Preston's chest with three long slashes. And then it flies off.
Later in the night, trying to sober up while comprehending what he just witnessed, Preston runs into a young woman named Carola (Rae Dawn Chong) while she's trying to get home.
He stops her, warning her that it's dangerous on the streets.
Carola claims to be lost and wants to get a taxi. Preston encourages her to call a taxi from his apartment, promising she'll be safe.
After a while, the two fall in love, get married, and have a couple of kids.
In the ten years proceeding, Preston is burdened by the events he witnessed the same night he met Carola. He's never been able to forget. But his life as an artist has improved considerably, thanks in large part to connections Carola has in the art world.
That promise, though, chews at his mind incessantly. Holding in this experience has been difficult.
On their 10th anniversary, Preston decides to tell Carola about the gargoyle he saw the night he met her and how it killed the bartender.
He thought after ten years that his promise would have been forgotten. But it wasn't. And he broke it.
I find this story the scariest segment, with its depiction of a man's burden of being forced to hold onto a secret. How would someone cope with witnessing the existence of gargoyles but being forced to never tell? In Preston's case, demon-like gargoyles exist and kill people. And when he does tell someone, he's forced to watch all he holds dear succumb to that otherworldly reality.
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| Matthew Lawrence as "Timmy." |
I recall seeing this in my younger days. Scenes from each story stuck with me for 30 years.
Too much of it initially comes across as flat and, at times, rushed.
After the third tale is told, young Timmy makes a quick getaway. He kills the witch and makes a cute remark to the camera, breaking the fourth wall, saying, "Don't you just love happy endings?" And then the credits roll.
This horror movie is a fun scare but doesn't exceed beyond that.
Still, it's a movie that has received a bit of a following and hasn't been lost to obscurity. With names such as Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, George Romero, and Stephen King, that's certainly no surprise.
