154) NEW HORROR RELEASES - The Menu (2022)

"Chefs - they play with the raw materials of life itself, and death itself."

Director

Mark Mylod

Cast

Ralph Fiennes - Chef Slowik
Anya Taylor-Joy - Margot

Nicholas Hoult - Tyler
Hong Chau - Elsa

Paul Adelstein - Ted
Janet McTeer - Lillian
John Leguizamo - The movie star
Aimee Carrero - Felicity
Reed Birney - Richard
Judith Light - Anne
Rob Yang - Bryce
Arturo Castro - Soren
Mark St. Cyr - Dave
Rebecca Koon - Linda

First, the rant...

I know this is a very broad and general critique, but I'm going to say it anyways. Foodies can be some of the most pretentious people on the planet. 

By "foodie" I'm referring to folks out there who have a passionate or "refined" love for food. So much so that it makes me wonder if they forgot the purpose of eating in the first place.

They eat as hobby. Many of them broadcast themselves as "food experts" and they somehow obtain a celebrity status because of it. They're so prestigious thanks to their knowledge of grub that they appear as judges on baking shows, and such. They know...oh, how they do know...what a randomly concocted cake, baked right on the spot, sometimes with randomly required ingredients, is "supposed" to taste like. If you don't believe me, just tune into the Food Network and watch shows like "Halloween Baking Championship," "Cupcake Wars," or "Worst Bakers in America" and watch them talk cakes. I can go a lengthy tirade around the show "Worst Bakers in America." What a tool that show is to fuel the already over-inflated egos of the judging "baking experts." I can't imagine an easier way for an expert chef to make themselves and their talents look more awesome and amazing than by comparing or contrasting themselves with people who have no idea what they're doing. Slow clap for the experts!

These food experts make themselves notables to be respected and revered because of their food knowledge and cooking abilities. I appreciate talent and expertise. Don't get me wrong. 

Some don't quite make it to such lofty televised levels but still manage to build overblown personas to some degree or another. Not all of them. But too many.

Some of these foodies have a knack for making their food just as showy and often ostentatious as they are. Why would anyone want to go to a restaurant and order something like a "deconstructed hamburger" or "deconstructed egg rolls?" And obviously other food snobs order such "distinguished" dishes so they can partake in the distinguishment of these distinguished distinguishables. Broken menu items! Now that's sophistication! 

And what's more hilarious to me is the cultish behavior around celebrity chefs on television. They demand up-and-coming pawns below them to respect them like holy figures or drill sergeants. 

"Yes, chef!" the peons will shout on command the moment the celebrity master chef commands them to "cook for me."

These sweaty and nervous cooks will prepare some "sumptuous" plate that may include ingredients like lemon foam or some such nonsense, along with an "essence" of some other nonsense no one else would eat even on a dare. They may garnish their plate with something like an oyster leaf (whatever the hell that is). And when they present their dish to their master chef, they'll toss out words or phrases like "roulade," "artisanal," "Provençal," "from Moldova" or "foraged" as descriptors in a final effort to appease and impress their master. Then this master of theirs will swiftly nit-pick each and every flaw in their dish before calling them an "idiot sandwich" and tossing out their meal. Newspaper editors do kind of the same thing, but that's another rant for another day.

By the way, my favorite food-term description I once heard is "mouthfeel." Mouthfeel! It sounds like some dirty porno term. Does that mean flavor? I want tasty food when I go to a restaurant, not an intellectual exercise. By the way, if anyone reading this ever has the "pleasure" of dining out with me, and I start moaning in ecstasy as I eat my food while describing the "mouthfeel," please don't hesitate to take me outside and hose me down.

When it comes to food, fancy words somehow enhance the draw of food. Obviously. And I understand presentation is key, especially when people are paying exorbitant prices for lunch or dinner. Hardly anyone outside of the Crème de la Crème of affluent foodies know what the hell a lot of these intricate food terms mean, anyways. But who cares? Fancy means better. 

The highfalutin foodies know all too well that fancy words justify "fancy" (ahem...higher) prices. Who can really justify paying $40 for a "deconstructed" burger, which is an inventive way of saying a hamburger that the cook couldn't bother to properly assemble, when they can pay less for an actual assembled burger made with the same ingredients? 

I once saw a video online, posted by a particular, normally vulgar, celebrity chef demonstrating the "right way" to scramble an egg. Give me a break! I'll take scrambled eggs and bacon cooked at a truck stop diner over scrambled eggs and bacon served in some gaudy way, say like on a popsicle stick or with eggs laid by...I don't know... Moldovan pygmy chickens.

Pretentious persons like these are the reason why the whoopee cushion and silly string were invented. 

Even with all that said, I love a well-prepared meal, especially when it comes to Italian food. Quality and originality are always appealing and appetizing. Still, listening to garish cooks is grima. That means it's like listening to nails on a chalkboard for those not as garrulous and verbose as I and don't know what "grima" means. I had to Google it myself to figure it out.

Anyways, this gripe of mine is primarily the reason why I love the 2022 comedic horror movie "The Menu." 

And now, the plot...

Ralph Fiennes stars as Chef Julian Slowik in "The Menu."

The film starts with a foodie of course. Tyler (Nicholas Hoult) and his date, Margot (Anya Taylor-Joy)
catch a ferry to a high-end restaurant called Hawthorn. It's located on a private island and owned by celebrity chef Julian Slowik (Ralph Fiennes). 

The dinner they're attending is by invitation only. The other guests include well-known and respected food critic Lillian Bloom (Janet McTeer) and her editor (Paul Adelstein), Hollywood actor George Diaz (John Leguizamo) and his personal assistant (Aimee Carrero), a trio of business partners named Bryce (Rob Yang), Soren (Arturo Castro) and Dave (Mark St. Cyr), Hawthorn regulars Richard and Anne Leibrandt (Reed Birney and Judith Light), and Slowik's drunk mom Linda (Rebecca Koon). 

Tyler is gung-ho about meeting Slowik whom he idolizes. He's desperate to be noticed by Slowik, and make a lasting impression.
When all the guests arrive at the island, they're given a tour of the facilities by the maître d'hôtel, Elsa (Hong Chau) who explains how regimented life is on the island. The chefs that cook at Hawthorn live on the premises.

She shows them the smokehouse in which meats are prepared "in the Nordic tradition" as well as Slowik's personal cabin where no one on the island is ever permitted in - not even staff closest to him. 

Elsa notices that Margot is not Tyler's original and intended companion invited to the dinner. 

However, when dinner begins, and each course is introduced, Slowik gives a sort of oration to introduce each dish and the purpose behind each one. 

His explanations become more and more personal and disturbing either for Slowik or for the guests as each course is introduced. 

Soon, he reveals to his guests that each of them was invited simply because they either killed his passion for cooking, or they greedily profited by exploiting the art and craft of gourmet cooking one way or another. 

Finally, my thoughts...

Nicholas Hoult and Anya Taylor-Joy star in "The Menu."

I love satire, and this is definitely satire at its exquisite formal best. The comedy fits in perfectly with the ambiance and atmosphere of the story. 

Since all of these guests have something to do with Slowik's demise, they're not getting out alive at the end of the meal. 

While the acting is superb, the gleaming gem of the movie is the presentation. Both the restaurant staff and their patrons are just as pompous and odd ball as the dishes they're presented, and which they fawn over high on the fumes of their own sophistication. So much so, they have no idea how foolish they are. When the characters having their supper aren't tripping over themselves to appreciate the food more than anyone else eating the same thing, they're dumbfounded like a deer in the headlights of a big rig truck clueless about what to do.

One dish Slowik presents is a bread plate without bread. The only thing on this breadless bread plate are dipping sauces. He presents this dish stating that bread is the food of the common man, and those dining are not common. 
"And so tonight... you get no bread."

Of course, these foodies eat it all up, though there's nothing to actually eat. It's clear that Slowik knows serving food without any food is completely stupid, and the patrons who drool over it are simply fakes. He can see it, but they can't. 

The final act is one of the best moments I've ever seen in a movie's final act. It's the pièce de résistance that earns the chef's kiss. 

Still, Slowik fails in one regard. Despair.

"We strive for perfection, which of course does not exist, and that is a hard truth for me to accept," Slowik says later in the film. 

In this temporal world, sure. We can strive for perfection. We're called to perfection. It does exist. We'll never achieve it, but we can still try. In this regard, he's just as foolish as his dinner guests. As far as food goes, as long as food judges judge, yes....there is no perfect dish.

But the cherry on top of this wonderful film is Judith Light who plays Angela Bower on the sitcom "Who's the Boss." I haven't seen her a while. It's cool to see her again.

Director Mark Mylod's name can be seen in a lot of television shows such as the pilot episode for "Once Upon a Time," as well as "Game of Thrones." He created a fantastic movie here. 

The satirical comedy is dainty and exquisite, and the horror is seen in the trepidation that slowly creeps in as the movie progresses. Mwah!