(+JMJ+) Commentary on horror/ thriller movies you forgot about, wanted to forget about, or just haven't heard of...yet. Thousands of them (eventually).
"Watch horror movies... Keep America strong!" - Bob Wilkins
(Be sure to check out my other movie commentary at 1000daysofscifi.blogspot.com and at dontfastforward.blogspot.com)
For my 147th review, I have to narrow things down to a specific episode of a TV series. Specifically, it's a horror anthology TV series.
I'm including an episode of the television show "Tales from the Darkside" really for nostalgic sake.
The episode "Hush" aired in July 1988 during the final season of "Tales from the Darkside." I've written about this series before in my review of "Tales from the Darkside: The Movie" back in February. The show, created by horror legend George Romero, ran for four seasons between 1983 and 1988, with 94 episodes. Four episodes went unaired. I never watched this series growing up. And as of now, I've only seen just a handful of these episodes. However, sometime back in '88, I happened to catch a particular episode without realizing what program I was watching. Whatever I saw was about an evil vacuum cleaner that went around a house killing anything and anyone that made noise.
I caught the last 12 or so minutes this segment, and what I saw has stuck with me these last 35 years.
I never forgot it. I guess there's something about deadly cleaning appliances that have a staying power. Over all these years since, I had it in my head that I had seen a movie but didn't know the title. Every once in a while, I turned to the vast nether regions of the internet to find that "movie" about a possessed vacuum cleaner. It turns out I was wrong. No wonder I never could find any results. For a short while, I thought it might have been Wes Craven's 1986 Sci-Fi horror flick "Deadly Friend." Not even close.
Just a few days ago during a moment in which I was at the height of revelry, when nothing horror related was crossing my mind, did my thoughts suddenly turn to this mysterious flick I had seen on television so long ago. So, I went to Google once again and searched for "horror movie vacuum cleaner kills people." And the result came back with "Hush." I don't recall ever hitting that result before. I found the episode free online and watched it for the second time in my life, and in its entirety this time. It was like a little victory was achieved. A small gem in the comprehensive ocean of horror content was rediscovered...by me, no less.
The story centers on Jennifer (Nile Lanning) who is hired to babysit a young boy, Buddy (Eric Jason), who's a prodigy and inventor.
She has babysat Buddy before so they're familiar with each other. Being the bright kid that he is, Buddy invents various gadgets including his latest invention, a "noise eater." This latest invention is a vacuum cleaner repurposed to locate noise and extinguish it by sucking the life out of whatever is making noise. What the hell is wrong with you, Buddy? And he gave it sharp glistening teeth for some reason? Another of his inventions accidentally knocks the noise eater controller onto the floor, causing the noise eater to turn on. As the controller makes loud beeping noises, the noise eater sucks the life out of its own controller making the machine unstoppable. Now, Buddy and Jennifer have to stop his stupid invention before it quiets everything, including them. The episode is based on a science fiction short story of the same title by Zenna Henderson. I didn't know that until looking more into this segment. Otherwise, the idea of a noise killing vacuum is imaginative to say the least. Once seen, it can't be unseen. And that's all this 20-minute segment offers. Like most other TV horror programs, it's a quick horror fix. I haven't read Henderson's short story but my hats off to her for creating this premise and going with it to the end. A deadly vacuum cleaner is what the horror genre needs! Funny that I seemed to recall a scene where this vacuum kills a housecat. That doesn't happen, though. Instead, it sucks the life out of a noisy parakeet. "Tales from the Darkside" is definitely a product of its time. Some stories are memorable, such as this one. Others are loaded with cheese and watered-down horror. It was and still is a way to get a quick scare late in the evening. It's typical prime-time popcorn horror content. I only mention this particular episode because I was thrilled to find it.
I started reviewing horror flicks on this platform back in 2018. Only now do I realize that I haven't reviewed one Vincent Price horror movie. Some horror fan I turned out to be.
I almost reviewed his 1953 classic "House of Wax" but as I didn't finish the film at the time, it didn't get a write-up. So, I need to remedy this, which I'm doing right now.
There's something truly satisfying at watching Vincent Price act. It seems Price was born for the horror genre. He's one of few actors who not only is superb at his craft. It's evident, too, that Price enjoys each role he's in. At least that's the impression I get.
So much has been said about him and his horror movie roles. There's really nothing much I could add that hasn't already been said. He's haunting and likeable all at once.
This is especially true when watching him act out Shakespeare. Seeing him recite lines from Shakespeare plays leaves those lucky to hear him with a feeling of being cultured. For those who haven't yet grasped the know-how of broadening their mind, I recommend starting with watching Vincent Price recite Shakespeare.
I'm not much into old Bill Shakespeare myself. I've read a few of his plays, but only because I was assigned to do so back in high school, and a bit in college. Otherwise, I've never read his works on my own accord. Sorry, Billy. I'm clearly no Shakespeare expert. However, listening to actors, experts, thespians, etc., recite his plays and sonnets, I can't help but catch whiffs of their pretentiousness and self-admiration. To me, it drowns out the emotions and such that Shakespeare wanted to convey.
Edward Lyonheart (Vincent Price) kills his critic, Trevor Dickman (Harry Andrews) in "Theater of Blood."
"Theater of Blood" is a golden opportunity for Vincent Price to let his Shakespearean talent shine forth, all while still being the horror icon that he is.
In this movie, he plays a dejected, humiliated, and disgusted Shakespearean actor named Edward Lionheart. Two years after members of a Theater Critics guild criticize his performances in various plays and choose to award a younger novice actor over him, Lionheart enacts revenge on each of his critics. They mocked and trodden on his genius and talent, after all.
He begins his killing spree on the Ides of March in true Julius Caesar fashion.
Lionheart kills each critic, one by one, according to the manner of the Shakespeare play they each lambasted him in.
Lionheart lures his first victim, George Maxwell (Michael Hordern) to an abandoned warehouse where a group of homeless people attack and kill him similar to Caesar's death in the play "Julius Caesar."
He later decapitates another critic in his sleep just like Cloton in "Cymbeline."
Before each murder, Lionheart reads them their respective critique of his past performance. And when they die, he recites lines from the play he's reenacting.
The entire guild thought Lionheart was dead after witnessing him jump off a balcony into the Thames River after he barged in on them while they were holding a get-together in celebration of the same awards ceremony in which they snubbed him.
What they didn't know is that he survived the fall after a group of "meth drinkers," as the film refers to them, rescued him.
These vagrants, along with Lionheart's devoted daughter, Edwina (Diana Rigg), aid him in his revenge.
Once investigators, led by Inspector Boot (Milo O' Shea) start putting the pieces behind this string of murders together, Lionheart prepares for his grandest performance.
Price's Shakespeare is the most convincing recital I've ever heard. I mean that sincerely.
While the story is half serious and half over-the-top, Price puts a lot of effort, love, and talent into his performance.
Amidst everything the film offers, it doesn't hold back on the horror. It's effective and truly disturbing as it's supposed to be.
In one scene, Lionheart dresses as Shylock from "The Merchant of Venice" as he gets revenge on his fourth victim, Trevor Dickman (Harry Andrews). Dickman previously called Lionheart's portrayal of
Diana Rigg, Coral Browne and Vincent Price in "Theater of Blood."
Shylock "inadequate."
Just as Shylock sought his pound of flesh as told in Shakespeare's play, so does Lionheart's "inadequate" version of the character hold the steaming (literally) heart, weighing one pound, of Trevor Dickman. He then bows to a non-existing audience within the abandoned theater where he hides out as he hears their applause in his head.
Price's performance as a conceited character reciting Shakespeare while brooding over old bad reviews, and then take out each of his critics in Shakespearian fashions, has a sense of forbidden pleasure to it. Price has a lot to do in this role. He has to act violent, be compelled by a mixture of pride and humiliation, act comical at times, perform Shakespeare, and be a frightening presence on screen.
The story drags on a bit as authorities chase Lionheart while he sneaks around in one disguise after another to kill critic after critic, only to burn the abandoned theater down. It's repitious.
Yet, it's comical and truly horrific all at the same time.
As for the gore, the movie doesn't hold back.
For me, the most disturbing scene takes place when he attacks his eighth victim, Meredith Merridew (Robert Morley). Lionheart tricks him into eating his own poodles whom he's very attached to. Once Merridew realizes what he's eating, and is appalled at the situation, Lionheart and his crew restrain him and force the meal down his gullet until he chokes and dies, replicating the death of Queen Tamora in "Titus Andronicus."
The film's stellar cast including Michael Hordern, Milo O' Shea, Robert Morley, Bond girl, Diana Rigg, and Coral Browne whom Price married after the two met on the movie set, compliment his fantastic performance.
I recognized English actor Michael Hordern from his role as Jacob Marley in the 1951 movie "A Christmas Carol" with Alastair Sim.
I also recognized Robert Morley from his cameo in "The Great Muppet Caper."
"Theater of Blood" is classic Vincent Price. If I had to pick my top three favorite movies of his, this would be one of them. This is certainly fun to watch.
Krampus, the goat-demon monster who shadows Santa Claus and punishes naughty children at Christmas time, seems to have intruded into our pop culture rather suddenly. Now, he's becoming just as commonplace as the Coke-drinking jolly ol' elf himself.
I've seen a few public events this Christmas season in which people were welcomed to get their picture with Krampus instead of Santa.
According to the Encyclopedia Britannica, Krampus's origins is thought to have begun with pagan rituals surrounding the winter solstice.
The Encyclopedia claims, "According to legend, he is the son of Hel, the Norse god of the underworld. With the spread of Christianity, Krampus became associated with Christmas—despite efforts by the Catholic Church to ban him. The creature and St. Nicholas are said to arrive on the evening of December 5." That's the night before the Feast of St. Nicholas.
Now, in the last 10 or so years, Krampus has been the subject of several horror movies - "Krampus: The Christmas Devil" (2013), "Krampus: The Reckoning" (2015), "Krampus: The Devil Returns" (2016), "Krampus Unleashed" (2016), and "Mother Krampus" (2017).
He also has a role in the 2015 holiday horror flick, "A Christmas Horror Story" which I reviewed back in 2019.
But the one movie that seems to be the most commercially successful is the 2015 film "Krampus" starring Adam Scott, Toni Collette, David Koechner, and directed by Michael Dougherty.
Dougherty, by the way, directed one of my favorite horror anthology films, "Trick 'r Treat" (2007). I can't let a Halloween go by without watching that at least once.
The story of "Krampus" begins three days before Christmas as seen on the Advent calendar.
Max Engel (Emjay Anthony) and his generically dysfunctional family - his parents Tom (Adam Scott) and Sarah (Toni Collette), and his older sister Beth (Stefania LaVie Owen) - are getting ready for Christmas. Sarah's sister, Linda (Allison Tolman), her husband Howard (David Koechner) and their four kids are coming for the holidays. Unbeknownst to Sarah, they're bringing their crotchety and never satisfied Aunt Dorothy (Conchata Ferrell) over as well.
Tom's German mother, whom Max calls "Omi" (Krista Stadler) also lives with the Engels. She seems to be the only family member Max can open up to. And she's sympathetic to what he's feeling.
Max still believes in Santa Claus, and probably possesses the most Christmas spirit among his family. He wants to keep the family's holiday traditions going. However, the tension and frustration among his family and relatives are sucking out the spirit in the Engel household.
During dinner that night, two of his bullying cousins, who call him "Maxi Pad" steal his letter to Santa and read it out loud at the dinner table to humiliate him.
The face of jolly ol' Krampus.
After Max yells at them, he screams he hates them all, and Christmas too, before running to his room.
His dad tries to console Max about having an uncaring family, especially during the chaotic holiday season, and gives him back his Santa letter.
But Max rips up the letter and tosses it out the window.
The pieces twirl in the frigid winter air and, like dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly, float up into the cloudy night sky.
Soon after, a dark blizzard engulfs the neighborhood. The power goes out, and all signs of life seem to disappear outside.
Beth is the first to venture outside to check on her boyfriend. Unfortunately, she doesn't return. When Tom and Howard go out to look for her, they realize something much worse than a blizzard is afoot.
Soon, evil beings in the form of Christmas symbols such as gingerbread men and toys, find their way into the house taking each member of the family one by one.
While everyone is beside themselves in fear, Omi knows exactly what's going on. Krampus has unleashed his own "helpers" to prepare for his arrival and punish the family for killing the Christmas spirit.
This movie has potential but stumbles too often. Plot points are at the mercy of writing that's weak in too many areas.
While the story makes an honest effort to utilize the lore of Krampus for the sake of creating something more or less original, the movie ends up relying too much on jump scares and ridiculous Christmas themed monsters to provide an easy and cheap fright for the audience.
Aside from the evil gingerbread men, there's a ferocious teddy bear, a tree topper angel that attacks everyone in the home, and a child-eating Jack in the Box. These evil minions of Krampus, meant to be a mockery of Christmas (the commercialized part, at least), are more laughable and distracting than scary. Then again, "Krampus" is also labeled a "comedy" on top of being a horror. It shouldn't be though. The comedy seems almost secondary...like an afterthought
When the film turns to the lore and legend of Krampus to support it, as seen through the grandmother, then it creates a true sinister and unsettling feeling. That's when I enjoyed it most and wanted the story to follow that path much more.
For Christmas to have an evil and punishing side over and above the coal Santa leaves for naughty children is a subject worth exploring within the horror genre.
When the grandmother explains what's happening, based on her experience as a child, it's all we get as far as the legend and motivations of Krampus.
She tells the family, "It started with the wind, on a cold night, much like this. It was almost Christmas, but this Christmas was darker, less cheerful. But I still believed in Santa, in magic and miracles, and the hope that we could find joy again. But our village had given up on miracles, and on each other. They had forgotten the spirit of Christmas, the sacrifice of giving, and my family was no different. I tried to help them to believe again, but we were no longer the loving family I remembered. They too had given up. And eventually, so did I. And for the first time, I didn't wish for a miracle. I wished for them to go away. A wish I would come to regret. And that night, in the darkness of a howling blizzard... I got my wish. I knew Saint Nicholas was not coming this year. Instead, it was a much darker, more ancient spirit. The shadow of Saint Nicholas. It was Krampus. And as he had for thousands of years, Krampus came not to reward, but to punish, not to give, but to take. He, and his helpers. I could only listen as they dragged my family into the underworld, knowing that I would be next. But Krampus did not take me that night. He left me, as a reminder of what happens when hope is lost, when belief is forgotten, and the Christmas spirit dies."
This thing eats kids!
Then we're back to evil Christmas decorations.
All the jump scare gimmicks can be tossed out with the stale fruitcake and sour egg nog.
What was also rather weak was the entire punishment Max and his family endure. The punishment doesn't fit the crime. The others in the house (namely, his cousins) are worse than he is. Max makes a noble effort in the beginning to be joyful and filled with Christmas spirit. While his parents are morons, and his sister is a useless dunce, there is a meager effort on their part as well to make Christmas merry despite the dysfunctionality that arises when the unenthusiastic and truly dimwitted relatives and cynical Aunt Dorothy arrive.
When his cousins humiliate Max at the dinner table, and his parents nor his aunt and uncle make no effort to stop them, Max is hurt to the core. His innocent and admirable intentions were destroyed. He reacts in anger, and rightly so. He didn't destroy the Christmas spirit, though. It was robbed of him. I get that ripping up his letter to Santa and claiming he hates Christmas wasn't the way to handle the situation. But to be visited by a demon and then punished for eternity seems harsh to me.
Granted, he did take part in a fist fight during a manger scene in the school play in the opening credit scenes. That'll cost you some nice points with Santa for sure.
Still, despite the Engels blatant imperfections, they make an effort of sorts to make a memorable family Christmas. The mother cooks a wonderful meal and decorates the house for Christmas - something Aunt Dorothy rips on altogether. The dad does try (rather weakly) to tell Max that family is family despite how terrible they may be, and that he should try to love them despite their faults. And his sister tries to discourage him from fighting at the table before telling her cousins to stop tormenting her brother. Meager sparks of Christmas spirit are still there.
Once Max utters "I hate Christmas" in the midst of his otherwise justifiable anger, well... we can't have that.
Not only is his family punished by Krampus, but the entire neighborhood is, too! Why? The reason, obviously, is to scare the audience and take the horror outside the Engel home. It's completely unnecessary. The fear and trepidation could be just as effective if the family alone were the ones suffering the wrath of Krampus.
I suppose the only justification for this neighborhood punishment is the film's opening.
As the song "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" plays, greedy and cold-hearted consumers charge into a "Mucho Mart," probably for a Black Friday sale, running, fighting and climbing over each other in slow motion to get their covetous hands on material possessions before anyone else does. I suppose, in that regard, the whole neighborhood deserves what they get. Greed is at its worst around the holidays.
I see what message the story is trying to convey, through Max's family, and through the entire neighborhood after the audience just sat through an opening scene full of indifferent holiday shoppers tearing each other apart without any regard.
Incidentally, when the grandmother tells of her experience with Krampus, the imagery changes to a unique and creative style of animation. For what it is, it's well done and imaginative. At the same time, it's out of place. It's the only time that happens in the film.
Oddly enough, Omi speaks German throughout the film even though everyone else talks to her in English. When she tells this story of her past, she decides to speak English as if her switch is language is supposed to emphasize the seriousness of the situation, but it's still unusual.
Toni Collette and Emjay Anthony in "Krampus."
An aspect I did find well written is the mercilessness Krampus has when Max pleads to take back his words so that Krampus will spare his family.
Krampus looks at young Max and collects a tear that's running down his cheek. But the devil is void of mercy.
Krampus and his minions laugh at Max. The ground opens to reveal a pit of fire, and he hurls Max down into this hell. The film ends with the family, along with Max, in what appears to be an eternal punishment.
If the movie had dealt less in the ridiculous jump scares and silly monsters, and contained more Krampus lore mixed with a convincing lack of Holiday spirit - charity, mercy, and empathy - "Krampus" would then possibly be a better film.
Rather it's a mediocre Christmas horror flick that somehow brought the ancient anti-Christmas demon into the hearts of horror fans everywhere.
The death of Christmas spirit portrayed in "Krampus" is underwhelming and generic. The weak setup is the result of weak writing.
The humor works- barely. And the message of how Christmas spirit is lost among our worldly material consumption starts off strong but succumbs to the rather listless story behind Max and his family facing Krampus. It's a scare as underwhelming as finding an orange or walnuts in your stocking on Christmas morning.
