I thought it would be worthwhile to list what I think are the best episodes from the classic HBO series Tales from the Crypt. I never watched the show while it originally aired from 1989 to 1996, save for a few instances when I caught at episode or two at friend's houses.
Part of that was due to its sexual content, graphic violence, nudity, and profanity. You know, typical HBO stuff.
The other half of that was because my family didn't subscribe to HBO, which was a wise decision in hindsight.
In 2019, I found the entire series on DVD for a very reasonable price.
I've read a lot of the EC horror comics in my adult years. Even non-horror fans probably heard of some EC titles such as The Vault of Horror, The Haunt of Fear, Shock SuspenStories, and Two-Fisted Tales.The more popular comic in that EC lineage of horror and schlock is Tales From the Crypt, created by Bill Gaines and Al Feldstein. No doubt its popularity is primarily due to the HBO series of the same name.
Just like the comic, the show was hosted by the "Crypt Keeper." With his decayed flesh, piercing sky-blue eyes, sarcastic and horrific pun-filled humor, he introduced each new chilling story to us "boils and ghouls" in every episode.
The comics also feature an "old witch" and a "vault keeper" who tell some of these ghoulish stories within the pages.
These issues are still a novel treat to flip through.
And while the series makes these same stories its own through the medium of television, they're just as fun to watch. Behind the campiness of some of these segments, the series doesn't hold back in the gore and terror. That, of course, was thanks to its airing on the unscrupulous HBO.
Tales from the Crypt is by far one of the best comic adaptation TV series in the history of comic adaptation TV series.
While much of the horror is blood and gore, a fairly equal amount is psychological. I call that sort of fear "did I remember to lock my car door" horror, but intensified.
The series captured the voice and the style of the comic book, each issue having different horror and thriller stories.
The next season carries the energy of the first season well.
By season three, Tales from the Crypt feels truly established.
This season certainly has some of the funniest and most insane episodes.
By now, the series seems more saturated with campy stories. Of course, the previous seasons have their share of schlocky tales as well.
This is where the series begins to feel lackluster, tired and, at times, forced.
The last season is certainly hit or miss. Some episodes are either boring, uncomfortable, or merely alright at best. By this point, the series needed to end.
The series captured the voice and the style of the comic book, each issue having different horror and thriller stories.
Some episodes stand out above the rest thanks in part to the celebrity appearances. Practically every episode has a well known guest star - Demi Moore, Tom Hanks, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Christopher Reeve, that kid from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Don Rickles, Dan Aykroyd, Michael J. Fox, Iggy Pop, and Joe Pesci just to drop a few names. Several episodes are also directed by great directors such as Robert Zemeckis, Richard Donner, William Friedkin, and Bob Gale. I get a sense that back then, being a celebrity guest or featured director on the show was a badge of honor.
Even some celebrities, such as Michael J. Fox, Tom Hanks, Bob Hoskins, and Arnold Schwarzenegger sit in the director's chair for an episode or two.
Some episodes are over-the-top just like the comics. Others have a more serious tone, yet are still horrific to some degree or another..
I was fortunate enough to find a complete series collection on DVD for under $30. So, as I watched the entire series from beginning to end, I've picked out my personal favorite episodes.
Many of the stories told in the HBO series are taken from the other EC horror comics I mentioned earlier.
Season one
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| "Jonas" from the segment Collection Completed, which aired on June 28, 1989. |
Tales from the Crypt starts off with a lot of eagerness, energy and gusto. It's like the writers already knew what they wanted, and couldn't wait to get it rolling.
It's heavy on the fun clichés and bargain-basement horror elements like old creepy houses, voodoo, and maniacal killers on the loose.
And All through the House, the second episode in the initial season, tells a story that's also depicted in the 1972 film Tales from the Crypt. This segment stars Mary Ellen Trainor (Goonies, Lethal Weapon, Ghostbusters II) as a greedy housewife who murders her husband for insurance money on Christmas Eve. Her young daughter is asleep upstairs, eagerly awaiting the arrival of Santa.
Meanwhile, a homicidal killer escapes from a mental hospital and is now the loose, dressed as Santa. As she tries to get rid of her husband's corpse, he pays her a little visit.
It's the quintessential Tales from the Crypt story, and told with more disgusting imagery than the 1972 movie. Horror icon Larry Drake plays the homicidal Santa Claus. It's a nice little slasher story told in 30 minutes.
Collection Completed is definitely one the series' more cheesy episodes, and I like it for that reason.
It tells the tale of an older man named Jonas (M. Emmet Walsh) who's forced into retirement thanks to his wife's out-of-control habit of adopting animals. He grows so sick of her habitual adoptions that he decides to turn them into a hobby of his own.
It's certainly over-the-top horror, which makes it a fun segment. And it captures the same tone and feel of the comic.
Season two
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| Jon Clair (left) and Moses Gunn in the segment, Fitting Punishment. |
Cutting Cards is, in my opinion, one of the more iconic episodes in the entire series. It takes a more serious tone than previous episodes.
Two gamblers, who passionately hate each other, square off in unfriendly challenges. The ultimate loser must leave town for good.
The stakes are violent and brutal. And the more they carry on, the more violent they get just so each can see the other in pain. But neither want to give their rival that satisfaction.
The segment stars Lance Henriksen and Kevin Tighe, both of whom put so much character and energy into their respective roles. It's an intense episode as the two rivals go at it with as much hatred for each other as they can muster.
The Ventriloquist's Dummy is another segment that's pure EC style horror as it relies on pure cringe to shock the audience.
This episode is one among many directed by Richard Donner. Comedian Bobcat Goldthwait plays Bill Goldman- an up and coming ventriloquist who wants to master the craft. He approaches his icon, Mr. Ingles (Don Rickles) for tips.
But Billy gets more than he bargained for when he finds out his idol's deepest, darkest secret- who's behind the dummy.
Fitting Punishment is a gruesome revenge tale that makes my skin crawl even as I think of it. The segment stars Moses Gunn (The NeverEnding Story) as an overly religious funeral home director.
After a tragic car accident, he's forced to care for his teenage nephew, Bobby (Jon Clair).
He grows abusive towards Bobby, while making him his apprentice mortician as payment for room and board.
Bobby immediately takes a disliking towards his uncle. Their unstable relationship finally meets a boiling point that leads to a truly terrible accident.
Moses Gunn puts a ton of emotion and seriousness into this one role. He is truly an actor's actor.
Season three
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| Kirk Douglas as Gen. Calthrob in the segment "Yellow" which aired Aug. 28, 1991 on Tales from the Crypt. |
Carrion Death is a brilliant "what if" type of story.
Kyle MacLachlan plays murderer, Earl Raymond Diggs, who escapes from jail. He crosses the desert trying to make it to the Mexican border before the state trooper pursuing him catches up.
When he does catch up, and slaps handcuffs on him, the trooper swallows the key - literally.
Diggs kills him, and now has to trek across the desert cuffed to the dead body of this state trooper.
It's a story that wants the audience to put themselves in the main characters place, and ask themselves what would they do. The ending is loaded with such cheesy stupidity, it's fantastic.
Yellow is the only full hour episode in Tales from the Crypt. This segment is more of a psychological horror, although drama is a better word to use.
The story is set during World War I. Lt. Martin Calthrob (Eric Douglas), who's the son of an Army General (Kirk Douglas), is court-martialed for cowardly failing to warn men under his command that German troops were approaching while they attempt to fix a broken communication line. As he runs for his life, those same men are killed.
Before dying, Sgt. Ripper reveals to the general what Lt. Calthrob failed to do, calling him "yellow."
Calthrob is sentenced to death by firing squad.
His father tries to save his son's life by swapping the bullets with blanks. His son just needs to face death with bravery and dignity.
Lance Henriksen returns to the series as Sgt. Ripper.
The story is taken from Shock SuspenStories number one, though initially I assumed it was published in Frontline Combat - an anthology war comic also published from EC Comics.
It's definitely one of the better stories in the show. I'll admit I didn't see the ending coming until moments before.
Kirk Douglas and his true son, Eric Douglas, star in this segment along with Dan Aykroyd.
Season four
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| Christopher Reeve and Bess Armstrong in the Segment "What's Cooking." |
What's Cooking stars the late, great Christopher Reeve along with Judd Nelson, and the late, great Meat Loaf.
Husband and wife Fred and Erma (Reeve and Bess Armstrong) are struggling to maintain their failing diner. The problem is they only serve squid dishes.
Their luck changes after their janitor, Gaston (Judd Nelson - The Breakfast Club), gives them some delicious steaks to try.
The couple put these steaks on the menu, only to find out the meat came from Gaston's landlord, Chumley (Meat Loaf). Actually, the steaks are Chumley himself.
As shocking as it is, still...the steaks are a hit with customers. Business quickly begins to boom.
Superman himself, Christopher Reeve, in this role is such a trip to watch.
King of the Road is a story with a pretty good the twist.
Brad Pitt plays a typical street racing punk kid named Billy who's confronted by a Sherriff named Joe Garrett (Raymond J. Barry).
Billy recognizes that Garrett is a legendary former street racer once known as "Iceman." So, he does the obvious. HE challenges him to a race.
To ensure Iceman accepts his challenge, Billy kidnaps his daughter.
So, he's forced to accept in order to save his daughter's life.
This segment was originally filmed for the pilot episode of a spin-off series Two-Fisted Tales which was going to air on the Fox Network. But Fox passed on it, and it aired on Tales from the Crypt instead, along with the segments Yellow and Showdown (season four, episode eight).
Split Personality Joe Pesci can be both intimidating on screen, or funny should the role he's playing demand it. And no, I won't make any references to Goodfellas after using "Joe Pesci" and "funny" in the same sentence.
This is one episode I can recall from childhood after watching it at a sleep-over back in my elementary school days.
Pesci plays a con man named Vic Stetson who goes in for a big con after his car breaks down in front of a mansion.
The home owners, two gorgeous twins named April and June Blair (Jacqueline Alexandra Citron and Kristen Amber Citron) let him come inside to use their phone.
He quickly learns these twins are worth $2 billion.
Wanting to get his hands on their fortune, Vic convinces them that he also has a twin in order to fool them into marriage.
What Vic doesn't realize is that he doesn't know the twins as well as he thought he did. The final scene is burned in my memory, probably forever.
This episode also stars Burt Young - Paulie from the Rocky movies.
Season five
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| Tim Curry as Winona Brackett. |
Death of Some Salesman is absolutely unforgettable as it stars Tim Curry in three roles. Fan-bloody-tastic!
I haven't seen any Tim Curry performance I didn't like.
The story involves sleazy door-to-door salesman, Judd Campbell (Ed Begley, Jr.) who tries to swindle other people's money by selling them over-priced burial plots for fake graveyards.
He calls on a hillbilly family (ma, pa, and Winona Brackett - all played by Tim Curry) who have a load of money stashed away in their house.
Little does Campbell know they have already been cheated once too many times.
Curry as Winona Brackett is one of the creepiest and unforgettable performances I have ever seen him in. By the way, Curry also stars in the 2002 Tales from the Crypt film, Ritual. I'll have to check that one out later.
Food for Thought stars Ghostbuster, Ernie Hudson in a villainous role.
He plays "the Great Zambini" who's a mind reader performing in a circus. He tries reading his wife Connie's (Joan Chen) mind.
When he successfully does, she happens to be in the middle of a passionate affair with the fire-eater. So, Zambini goes insane with jealousy.
Hudson seems like a gentle, friendly, cordial person. His role in this episode is just the opposite. Well done, Ernie. Well done!
People Who Live in Brass Hearses is a story about an ice cream man, and is another pure cheese tale at its best.
Billy DeLuca (Bill Paxton) is just released from prison after serving a two-year stint for embezzlement. He gets his mentally challenged brother, Virgil, (Brad Dourif) to help him gain revenge on the ice cream man who ratted him out to the police. Virgil, however, messes up at every step of the plan.
This story is one of the more "so dumb, it's good" segments. I have to include it among my favorites.
Season six
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| John Lithgow and Humphrey Bogart starring in the segment You, Murderer. |
It's like the writers are starting to lose steam in their imagination and will power to produce episodes that could leave the audience horrified. That is, until the last episode of the season.
You, Murderer is the most unique story in the entire series.
It's narrated by the deceased Lou Spinelli whose a former criminal turned businessman. He undergoes plastic surgery to resemble Humphrey Bogart. And he's portrayed by Bogart himself, though Bogart passed away in 1957.
Throughout the story, Spinelli tells of the greed, sex, and murder that lead up to his death. The entire segment is told from his point of view. We occasionally see his face, which is the face of Bogart himself.
I'm willing to bet that in the wake of the 1994 film Forest Gump, which brought back several notable dead people to star in the film, Tales from the Crypt producers wanted to do something similar.
This episode has the feel of a film noir. It goes to show that dead celebrities staring in films and, in this case, television shows is nothing new.
Season seven
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| A scene from The Third Pig, the final episode of Tales from the Crypt which aired July 19, 1996, |
There's one episode that left me unsure whether I liked it or not. I'll throw it in for the sake of mentioning it. The rest just didn't grab my attention, or were ridiculously underwhelming, such as the episode Cold War with Jane Horrocks, Colin Salmon, and a young Ewan McGregor.
This is also when the series moved from Los Angeles to England to film episodes.
To the producers credit, it was something new and different for the show. The U.K. offers more opportunities to shoot in castles and large estates. It offers a different atmosphere.
Recognizable names from that side of the pond also make their way into season seven episodes, such as Bob Hoskins, Steve Coogan, Daniel Craig, and veteran actor Roy Dotrice.
Though some horrific elements remain to some degree or another, the majority of these episodes feel like I'm watching a PBS series. It sticks to the motif of bad people getting what's coming to them.
Horror in the Night is one of this season's more gory episodes thanks to a few disturbing scenes of horror and psychological turmoil.
Nick Marvin (James Wilby) is a jewel thief who is purposely deceived by his partner, "T" (Ronan Vibert).
After a shoot-out between the two, Marvin hides in a cheap hotel. While inside, horrific images and psychological turmoil torment him.
He's also visited by a strange yet gorgeous woman named Laura (Elizabeth McGovern).
He quickly learns only he can see Laura, whose motives quickly change as the night progresses.
One particular scene during a dream sequence is especially morbid and disturbing.
The Kidnapper is the episode in which I wasn't sure what to make of it. It's uncomfortable to watch in the sense that I couldn't help put myself in the shoes of one of the main characters.
In this episode, Steve Coogan plays a simple-minded pawn shop proprietor named Danny.
When a homeless pregnant girl named Teresa (Julia Sawalha) enters the shop, Danny takes pity on her and offers to let her stay with him.
It doesn't take long before Danny develops feelings for Teresa. She, however, doesn't share the same romantic feelings, though she is very grateful for his generosity and kindness. Teresa just sees him as a true friend.
Time goes by, and her baby is now apart of both their lives. The baby takes up most of her attention, as babies often do. Danny grows envious, and wishes the baby were out of the picture.
He hires a kidnapper to steal the child, hoping his absence will lead to a romantic involvement between the two. Rather, it only leads to Teresa's emotional break-down.
Regretful of what he's done, Danny sets out to retrieve her baby. As I write out this synopsis, the episode now leans more towards the side of ludicrous than it did while I watched it.
The ending though left me feeling chillingly uncomfortable, which is what this series is supposed to do. I've included it here because it's an episode that left me thinking afterwards.
The Third Pig ends the entire series with a magnanimous bang, and an animated one at that. This is the only animated episode in the series.
This segment retells the story of the three little pigs, narrated by the Crypt Keeper.
The Big Bad Wolf (voiced hilariously by Bobcat Goldthwait) attempts to devour the three pigs, Drinky (Brad Garrett), Smokey (Charlie Adler), and Dudley (Cam Clarke). Drinky builds his house out of an old alcohol barrel. Smokey builds his out of match sticks and cigarettes. And Dudley builds his home out of bricks.
As Smokey and Drinky loose their homes to the wolf's huffing and puffing, they bunk in with Dudley, and soon begin bossing him around.
One day, as Dudley goes to the store to buy them beer and smokes, the wolf pays them a visit.
He eats them, and leaves a mess of carnage inside.
Dudley is accused of the murders and is thrown in the clink by a judge and jury composed of wolves. The ghosts of Smokey and Drinky show up to help break him out. He then plots revenge against the wolf who killed hills brothers.
It's story that's original to the show as it's not pulled from the comics as far as I know.
Being animated allows for some truly grotesque, ghoulish horror scenes. It's a fantastic send-off for the series.
It goes without saying Tales from the Crypt has left an indelible mark on pop culture, and the horror genre specifically. I would love to see this series rebooted. The Crypt Keeper is, without a doubt, one of the best show hosts in show hosting history. He's truly iconic.
The series spawned a trio of films, Demon Knight (1995), Bordello of Blood (1996), and Ritual (2002).
There was also a Saturday morning cartoon, Tales from the Cryptkeeper which ran for two season from 1993 to 1994. Though I watched Saturday morning cartoons religiously back then, I have no recollection of this show.
Looking up the premise of the cartoon, I read that the Old Witch and the Vault Keeper, pulled straight from the comics, were regular characters on the show. Evidentially, a third season called New Tales from the Cryptkeeper aired in 1999, teaching kids some morals and lessons with the Crypt Keeper in a more active role than just storyteller. Weird, but...whatever.
As far as the HBO series goes, it's a fun venture that maintains the atmosphere and feel of the comic anthology so well, even though it's a different medium. That's quite an accomplishment. These are tales meant to chill, and they do precisely that - all jolting tales told in the EC tradition.
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