87) The Stuff (1985)

"Are you eating the stuff, or is it eating you?"

Director

Larry Cohen

Cast

Michael Moriarty - David "Mo" Rutherford

Andrea Marcovicci - Nicole

Garrett Morris- Charles "Chocolate Chip Charlie" Hobbs

Scott Bloom - Jason

Paul Sorvino - Col. Malcolm Grommett Spears

Danny Aiello - Mr. Vickers 

What do you do... no, what does an entire nation do when some random blue collar worker finds white goop bubbling out of the ground, tastes it, and discovers it's delicious. Well, that nation markets it as a dessert! And that's the plot of the 1985 satirical horror movie The Stuff - a jab at American consumerism and self-indulgence. 

Directed by Larry Cohen, who also sat in the director's chair for other classic horror movies such as It's Alive (1974) and  Full Moon High (1981), the movie starts with a railroad worker stumbling upon a substance that resembles melted vanilla ice cream gurgling out of the ground.

Curious, he scoops a bit up with his finger, smells it, and then tastes it to see if he can figure out what it is. He mutters how good it tastes, and goes for more.

Some coworkers approach asking what he's up to. He tells them to taste his discovery. To them, it's sweet and delicious. 

The scene cuts directly to this substance packaged and available on store shelves ready for consumers. Labeled "The Stuff", it's packaged in cartons like ice cream. 

The advertisements claim it has no calories, tastes great, and doesn't fill you up. 

The Stuff is in immediate high-demand across the country.

Executives and CEOs of various ice cream and other junk-food companies collectively hire former FBI agent turned corporate saboteur, David "Mo" Rutherford (Michael Moriarty) to investigate the ingredients in the Stuff so they can come up with a similar product for the sake of competition. 

During his investigation, Rutherford is joined by a famed junk-food personage, Charles "Chocolate Chip Charlie" Hobbs (Garrett Morris - Saturday Night Live) who's also suffering financially thanks to the Stuff. 

People at random start falling under the control of this tasty alien sludge. Yet, consumers still can't get enough of it.

Meanwhile, a young boy named Jason (Scott Bloom) heads down to the kitchen late one night for a snack. When he opens the fridge, he finds the Stuff out of its container and moving around in the fridge on its own. 

His dad catches him standing in front of the open fridge, and is upset he woke him up so early in the morning.

Jason tries to tell his dad that he saw the Stuff moving outside of its carton. When his dad goes to see for himself, the Stuff is back in the carton as though nothing happened. 

His father acts irrationally angry. Soon, Jason realizes his family is acting strange which he rightly attributes to their addictive consumption of the dreaded Stuff. 

Jason's fear drives him to visit the local grocery store with a baseball bat and destroy all displays and inventory of the Stuff that's for sale. 

His stunt makes the news, which grabs the attention of skeptical Rutherford. 

Jason's family tries forcing him to eat the Stuff. He takes a container to his room and says he'll eat it there. 

However, he sneaks into the bathroom, dumps it out, and replaces it with shaving cream. 

Heading back downstairs, Jason starts reluctantly eating the shaving cream in front of his family to fool them.

It doesn't take long before they catch on to his lie. His parents try physically forcing him to eat it, but he runs out of the house.

Just in time, Rutherford pulls up and tells Jason to get in. He does, and they head out to ultimately destroy the ground well where the Stuff is oozing out of.

Rutherford enlists the help of U.S. Army Col. Malcolm Grommett Spears (Paul Sorvino) who has a small but effective Army of his own.

And their mission now becomes one to save the world from the evil Stuff. 

I don't think this movie is as obscure as other horror movies I've reviewed. But I'm sure there's a lot of people who aren't familiar with it. 

As far as satirical horror movies, I'd place The Stuff on the same shelf as movies like They Live (1988). And for its gorey elements, it's a few notches below one of my favorite comedy horror movies Cabin in the Woods (2012) and a few notches above Gremlins (1984). 

It's pure schlock - a film not meant to be taken with any degree of seriousness. Just watch it, chow a bucket of popcorn, and whatever you get out of it (laughs, cringes, eye-rolls) is what you get out of it.

Yes, there are a ton of "why would they do that moments" starting with the first character that appears on screen tasting an unknow substance spewing out of the ground at a railroad yard to the sudden shift of the entire United States putting that same crap on the market. 

But despite the terribly scripted dialogue, atrocious acting, barely passable to just plain laughable special effects, some of the actors really seemed to be enjoying their parts, especially Garrett Morris as "Chocolate Chip" Charlie. In fact, aside from a few of scenes where the Stuff devours people from the inside out and dead people are suddenly alive again, Morris, a veteran comedian from Saturday Night Live is the most entertaining actor of the movie. He has a lot of energy, charm, and personality. 

Morris is an underrated comedian, actor, and singer. He has an impressive list of films and is fun to watch in The Stuff.

Michael Moriarty plays his serious business role a little over the top. I'm sure he meant to be so which is fine for a movie like this. 

Clara Peller and Abe Vigoda in The Stuff.

But the story execution is a little too easy. For instance, in the scene where Jason runs out of his house away from his family, Rutherford just picks him up and takes him along to destroy the Stuff. It's a sudden rescue attempt with no care on Jason's part about getting in a car with a complete stranger. No questions. No concerns. 

One notable scene is a commercial parody of the famous "Where's the beef?" catchphrase that was popular back in the 1980s thanks to the Wendy's commercial. 

This spoof features Clara Peller, the actress who originally uttered the catchphrase, this time stating "Where's the Stuff?"

It also has a very, very brief cameo from none other than Abe Vigoda. It also dates the movie.  

The story and stereotypical characters are what makes this satirical comedy. And that much, it does well enough. It's a popcorn classic for sure.