6) Frogs (1972)

"Today, the pond. Tomorrow, the world."

Director
George McCowan

Cast
Sam Elliott - Pickett Smith
Ray Milland - Jason Crockett
Joan Van Ark - Karen Crockett
Adam Roarke - Clint Crocket

(Spoilers ahead)Long before actor Sam Elliott was popping up on internet memes to remind people how dumb their way of thinking is, he was in the movie Frogs.
The absolute best word to describe Frogs is "misleading." The title is "Frogs." There's a frog on the poster with a hand sticking out of its mouth advertising this is a movie about killer frogs. I mean, anyone just seeing that image on the poster, and knowing nothing else, would be absolutely correct to think this movie is about killer frogs.
No frogs in this movie kill anyone. (Spoiler...sorry.) However, a variety of reptiles do. Scenes of "frogs" are littered between other scenes reminding the audience their watching a movie about frogs. There's just one mistake, though. Either the director, George McCowan, didn't know the difference between frogs and toads, or just didn't care enough. Maybe he thought audiences would be too stupid or scared...or stupid...to figure out the difference. To add insult to injury, sounds of croaking frogs are dubbed over in those shots. Like I said - misleading!
George McCowan has worked on some classic television series such as The Mod Squad, The Streets of San Francisco, Fantasy Island, and Hart to Hart. I wish I could go back in time, catch him after the release of Frogs and ask him, "what were you trying to do, George?"
Frogs is another movie among many other deadly nature type movies. Killer sharks. Killer grizzly bears (that's a movie coming up on my blog. Stay tuned for that.) Killer- killer bees. Killer bats. Killer rabbits. Killer trees (sigh, M. Knight Shyamalan.) 
This movie does have a decent cast such as Ray Milland, who won an Academy Award in 1945 for The Lost Weekend and also starred in the Alfred Hitchcock movie Dial 'M' For Murder. He's no stranger to the thriller genre.
Upon its release, it had to be double-billed with Godzilla in Godzilla vs. The Smog Monster just to gain an audience.
Sam Elliott (sans the gorgeous mustache) plays environmental photographer, Pickett Smith.
The beginning of the movie shows Pickett shooting pictures of the wildlife, and the pollution thereof, in a secluded swamp near an island where the mansion of the wealthy Crockett family.
While floating in his canoe with his camera, he gets knocked over by Clint, one of the Crockett family members, who's speeding in his motorboat and chugging beer.
Clint's wife, Karen, feels bad and invites Pickett back to the mansion to dry off, and meet the rest of the family.
There, he meets the wheel chair-bound, cantankerous grandfather, Jason, played by Milland.
The next day is July 4, and Jason's birthday, so he's making sure the festivities are set. Part of the preparations includes Jason sending out someone named Grover to go spray pesticide to get rid of all the frogs that are intruding on the property. However, Grover doesn't come back.
Pickett later discovers his dead body covered in snake bites.
Jason doesn't seem to care enough to cancel the party.
Forty minutes in, and that was our first death scene.
The next is by far the strangest, funniest, and most over-the-top death scene in this flick. Somehow, the phone lines are down. That's as cliche' as it gets. We don't know why they're down. Maybe the frogs cut the lines? It's never explained.
Anyhow, a guest at the house named Michael Martindale goes to check on the phone lines out in the surrounding brush. This is were it gets ridiculous.
He drives out to a telephone pole, turns around and looks at it. It appears to be fine. So, he gets out with a shot gun and starts to walk through the trees and marsh land looking for...I have no idea what.
Then he accidentally shoots himself in the leg, collapses, and can't get back up.
(Oh, it gets better!)
As he's screaming and struggling for help, moss starts falling from the trees and covering him. Yes! Moss is trying to kill him. And on top of that, tarantulas are starting to surround him, and shooting web over his entire body. Now, I understand that this is just a movie. But if we're to believe a man is unable to lift himself up because of a gunshot wound, then make it realistic! This guy, though injured, could have easily gotten back up rather than roll around on the ground screaming as strands and bundles of moss gently cascade down from the trees.

Death by moss!

Still, this is death number two, and frogs were again not involved.
Meanwhile, back at the estate, death number three is about to occur. And though it's not as silly as death-by-moss, it's much more avoidable than that moron's we just saw who brought a shotgun to check on the phone lines.
Jason's sister, Iris, sends her son, Kenneth, to the greenhouse to collect flowers for the July 4 centerpiece. While he's in there looking stupid and confused, lizards start intentionally knocking over jars of chemicals and poisons onto the floor. They shatter and begin letting off fumes in the form of smoke. Rather than leave, or even open doors and windows, Kenneth (I'm not exaggerating) goes over to inspect the visible fumes which waft in his face in there. I mean he stands right over those deadly plumes of gas like a starving student getting in on a bag lunch. The smoke even hides his face. Obviously, this kills him. As he's laying there, lizards (immune from the deadly gasses) start climbing on him. I assume they do this so as to remind the audience that Kenneth didn't really kill himself by sticking his bare face in toxic fumes. Nope! The lizards actually killed him.
After a few more ridiculous death scenes, Jason still wants his party despite the fact that his family members and guests HAVE FRIGGIN' DIED on his property.
People eventually decide to leave despite Jason's anger at the nerve his family would die on his July 4 birthday party extravaganza.
Jason's long time butler and cook, Maybelle and Charles, end up leaving the island, along with Kenneth's fiancé, Bella, and Clint. Clint takes them across the water in a speedboat to a nearby grocery store. As they start walking, a flock of birds suddenly and momentarily appear. The group runs behind the store and...that's it. We have no idea what becomes of them. We do see an open suitcase a little later. That's the only clue we have that, perhaps, someone died. But who knows.
It just gets ridiculous as the last act of the movie plays out. One lady gets stuck in mud and gets killed by a snapping turtle. Yawn.
Karen and Pickett finally decide to leave despite Jason's continuous protests. They take Clint and Jenny's children with them, and they all make it to shore. They find a road where they get picked up by a mom and her son. The mom says they're heading to Jefferson City, noting they haven't seen a single person or car on the road. Meanwhile, her son shows them a toad he captured during summer camp.

We cut back to Jason, all alone in his big house. An army of frogs...er...toads have made their way into the dark room with him. And Jason dies of a heart attack. Just to make sure the movie's namesake makes some remote bit of sense, the toads and whatever else begin climbing and hoping over his dead body as if to indicate they made his heart stop.
All the lights turn out in the mansion. Then, the end. Roll credits!
At the end of the credits, we're treated to an animated image of a frog swallowing a human hand. Why? Is it because the director of this movie completely forgot to film frogs killing people? Who even cares by this point?
I just can't find anything redeemable about this. Ok, I can think of one thing, and that's how unintentionally funny some of the death scenes are. They clearly weren't meant to be funny. But, they were. Otherwise, this flick doesn't even live up to its simple title.
The only thing amphibians actually ruin in this movie is the July 4 cake at the picnic.
The producers had Academy Award winning actor Ray Milland, and that must have worn them out because everything else is sloppy, disappointing, deceitful, and just plain boring.
I wasn't expecting a serious thriller. I was expecting a fun, perhaps over-the-top popcorn movie about killer frogs. I was robbed of even that. What were you thinking, George McCowan?