1) Horror of the Zombies (1974)

"Two boats of beauties on the Atlantic in a motorcruiser just as snug as a bug in a rug."

Director

Amando de Ossorio

Cast

Maria Perschy - Lillian

Jack Taylor - Howard Tucker

Bárbara Rey - Noemi

It took me a long time to figure out a viewing plan for this blog. What movie should I start with? I wrote out several lists of movies to review hoping one would pop out at me and help answer that question. I had all kinds of guidelines for this blog. So, after picking several movies from my collection, then putting them back, I decided to just close my eyes and point to something on the DVD shelf.

My finger worked its magic (in a nice way, I mean) and selected a collection of 12-movie "creature features" I purchased from a discount bin about eight or nine years ago. I had every intention of watching them...eventually. I put my lists away for another time. Creating a blog to celebrate and show some appreciation to the obscure movies of the horror genre Is a creative way to get my $4.99 worth which is what I paid for the set.

And out of these 12, what better title to sit through and endure than Horror of the Zombies. It's horror...with zombies. And the horror is of them! That's a suitable start for a blog of obscure horror.

This movie's original title is El Buque Maldito. 

In this movie, we have Bárbara Rey, who's always gorgeous when she is slowly running from crunchy, deceased excommunicated Knights Templar zombies on a 16th Century ship.

For anyone that can't recall who Bárbara Rey is, she's from that delightful film La Chica Del Molino Rojo (1973) and the always fit-for-family viewing, Triangle of Lust (1978).

  

In this movie, she plays Noemi [sic]. And if she's not enough beauty for your viewing pleasure, this film also casts Maria Perschy as Lillian, and Jack Taylor as Howard Tucker.

  

Noemi, a model, is worried about her roommate, Kathy (Yikes! I failed to mention Blanca Estrada is in this hot mess, too) because she's missing. Rather than go to the police as any reasonable model would do, she tells her employer Lillian. But, after not first going to the police, she eventually decides to go to the police. 

Meanwhile, Lillian tells her that Kathy is "snug as a bug" on a boat somewhere out on the Atlantic. There was no euphemism intended in that phrase, by the way. She's doing some kind of publicity stunt out there...at night...with another model...on a boat...snuggly.

While they're out there floating, they spot a ghost ship which turns out to be an old galleon with mist, and creepiness, and friggin' living corpses of Satan's knights. These knights used to be Templars, but Satan can be a real douche canoe when he wants to be and make dead people evil.

These dead knights of the devil are dusty and slow. This is a real change of pace from the opening scene where we see women modeling swimwear - a lesson in just how fast it takes for product placement to become dated.

Of course the models can't make any radio contact for help. So, they decide to board the 16th century boat. Meanwhile, the businessman who sent the models out there, Howard Tucker, decides to start his own rescue party. He takes another model with him (for fun, I guess) as well as his secretary and an over-the-top scholar.

Little do they know the two models have been killed. There deaths are laughable. Watching them scream and walk - literally, walk - for safety is pretty hilarious. They just can't seem to escape the clutches of slow moving corpses. Satan may be evil, but he doesn't care much about speed and agility. In this case, why should he? The women on board this ship have no where to go.

Later, the girl who came with Howard is also taken by the knights, dismembered, and eaten. All the rest of them are in some kind of trance or sleep...probably for budgetary convenience, I guess.

The producers definitely tried to make this a sexy horror film. But there's really nothing memorable about it. I get the feeling someone had access to a ship, and decided "hey, let's shoot a movie on this thing. That would make for a fun weekend!"

A lot of effort went into the scenery and look of the zombies. With people in costumes, the aged look of the skeletal remains is rather well done. 

It's good for a Friday night movie, but it's as predictable as the tide and the moon. Or as predictable as a bunch of evil zombie knights coming at you, arms extended, knowing you could run quickly to safety, but why bother. 

The scenes and camera work show effort in this project, but much of the acting is bland. Still, that may be a bit of an unfair assessment as the version I watched was dubbed over in English.

One thing I didn't know going into this movie was that it's the third film in Ossario's "Blind Dead" series. In fact, this is a sequel to a film called Return of the Blind Dead from 1973, and another movie called Night of the Seagulls from 1975.

The fun factor was mild. The effort was most apparent in the scenery. That Satan...he can be a real douche bag.