14) The Being (1983)

"Dumping toxic waste into the aqueduct does not, and will not, affect the water supply for this town."

Director
Jackie Kong

Cast
Martin Landau - Garson Jones
Marianne Gordon - Laurie
Bill Osco - Mortimer Lutz
Jose Ferrer - Mayor Gordon Lane
Ruth Buzzi - Virginia Lane


If I throw out the words "toxic waste", "monster" and "small town" I think the anyone could put in the missing pieces to figure out the plot. Everything about the movie The Being seems cut and dry. It centers around those three classic horror/ sci-fi tropes.

The small town in this flick - fictional Pottsville, Idaho. And the gore starts off right away with the decapitation of a young guy we see running for something unseen. 

The deaths continue as drive-in movie goers end up dying gruesomely inside their cars by something unnatural. 

Det. Mortimer Lutz (Bill Osco) is investigating these strange going-ons, and finds some green sludge at the crime scenes.
People continue to disappear with deadly POV shots. Pottsville mayor Gordon Lane (Jose Ferrer) links the disappearances to the presence of toxic waste in his town. So, not wanting to smear the image of Pottsville, and its potato industry, Lane seeks the help of Garson Jones (Martin Landau). Although his name makes him sound like he's a pirate, Jones is really a chemical safety engineer.
Lutz is on top of this case like a bum on a bologna sandwich. And after he's attacked by a horrific creature inside his home, he's even more on top of it like there's two bologna sandwiches instead of one. Only this "sandwich" has it all - some whole grain mustard, the soft green lettuce, maybe some light mayo, and a bag of BBQ chips on the side....and a Cherry Coke. It's the type of thing an investigator drools over. 
Of course, governments (even local governments) being absolutely pathetic at the art of lying, Jones and Lane tell Lutz there's nothing wrong despite the blatantly obvious. No sooner do they feed Lutz this lie, he and his girlfriend, Laurie (Marianne Gordon, Rosemary's Baby) are attacked inside the diner Laurie waitresses in.
They manage to trap the creature in the freezer. But when they bring Lane in to show him the monster, all that's there is a puddle of that tasty green sludge. And that's not the kind of "sandwich" Lutz wants to be on top of.
The deaths, the slime puddles, and the investigation lead up to an all out mutant versus human match in the end. And it seems nothing Lutz can throw at this intelligent yet psychopathic monster can stop it. On top of that, the movie leaves room for a sequel. Is anyone still waiting for that?
The movie is blood, guts, and slime from beginning to end. But most of the actors don't seem too invested in their roles. And in some scenes, I can't tell if the movie is trying to be purposely comedic, or if it's an accident.
There's one scene where a group of children are participating in an Easter Egg hunt at a local church. The lucky child to find the big egg wins a prize. Kids ramble picking up eggs, while one toddler, unlucky and slow at this activity, wanders into some bushes and finds a small hole in the ground where the prize egg...and some nasty monster hands...are hiding. She reaches in, in a scene of anticipation of who will get what first. It's pretty much the only intense scene in the movie. But when one of the church ladies (played by Ruth Buzzi) finds the toddler, she announces to everyone that she's the winner. Among the clapping, someone can be heard dropping an F-Bomb. That could have been a mistake, but was it? It's a scene I had to keep rewinding for laughs.
I'm not familiar with the writer and director, Jackie Kong, but her work in the genre seems worth looking into. According to IMDB, she's known for other horror movies such as Blood Diner (1987), and The Under Achievers (1987). The Being was her film debut. And she's cited on IMDB as being known for irreverent comedy and over-the-top horror. If that's the case, than she started off on the right foot with this picture, but practice definitely makes perfect. And kudos to her for scoring Martin Landau in her first movie. 
As far as entertainment goes, this movie delivers for all practical purposes. But in some instances, the entertainment seems to be elsewhere than what the movie intended.
For instance, the time of day changes constantly in single scenes. One scene can start off at night, and unrealistically last several hours into dusk. And then it transfers back into night. It's a real trip. Make a drinking game out of it. Every time the time of day changes in one scene, take a shot. You won't miss anything important in the end, anyhow.
The gory visuals were satisfying, especially during a scene where that green slime oozes from the air vents and dashboard of a car. That was creative, and nasty!
Martin Landau is certainly not a nobody in the movie industry, having made is film debut in Alfred Hitchcock's film North by Northwest. He went on to star in other major movies, and worked with some big names such as Francis Ford Coppola, Steve McQueen, and Al Pacino. He also won an Oscar for his portrayal of horror legend Bela Lugosi in the Tim Burton movie, Ed Wood.
Though Landau was a fantastic actor, his work in this movie doesn't necessarily stand out. His presence seems to be above a picture like this. This is an actor who coached Jack Nicholson and Angelica Houston. And (SURPRISE!) he starred in the 1983 horror/ sci-fi film, The Being! I guess they can't all be winners. That's not to say he didn't do a good job. His acting definitely stood out in this supporting role.
Most horror movies of this caliber are merely popcorn/ drive-in type flicks. It doesn't matter if you didn't pay attention in the middle because you dozed off, or were making out with your date, or took a potty break and didn't bother pausing, you won't miss anything important.
I'd put this movie a notch or two below popcorn flick due to several continuity errors, bad or over-the-top acting, and the creature really looking like a knock-off version to the aliens from Alien. It's a movie worth attention on a Friday night, unless there's something else to watch. Chances are, there will be. Nevertheless, I'll keep my eyes open for other Jackie Kong movies. There is talent there. 

13) Blood of Dracula's Castle (1969)

"Don't worry. No one will suspect what goes on here at Falcon Rock Castle."

Director
Al Adamson, Jean Hewitt (uncredited)

Cast
Alexander D'Arcy - Count Dracula
Paula Raymond - Countess Townsend
John Carradine - George the Butler
Barbara Bishop - Liz Arden
Gene Otis Shane - Glen Cannon
Robert Dix - Johnny


Imagine walking into a haunted Halloween attraction. We'll call it "Dracula's Castle." It's a little cliche, but maybe it's still worth checking out. The façade of the attraction looks scary and enticing enough. It seems like it could be a fun and thrilling experience.
You walk into a dark hallway, and you're greeted with a dopey looking, poor man's Gomez Addams, just standing there. He tells you in a normal, yet tawdry voice that he's a vampire, and he drinks blood through a unique, updated, scientific way rather than biting people's necks.
He has an older, jewel-studded lady standing next to him, holding a glass of wine. There's absolutely nothing threatening in her demeanor. She tells you that she's also a vampire.
You then follow them into a room with two coffins on the floor. They wish you a goodnight, climb in, close the lid, and...that's it. The experience is over. There's the exit. Go home!
That's this movie - an underwhelming, effortless, and uninspired experience.
I found this movie in one of those movie collection packs called "Gorehouse Greats," which I stumbled upon in an antique store. Lucky me! The title seemed enticing. With blood and Dracula in the title, Blood of Dracula's Castle seemed like a movie right up my alley.
Count Charles Townsend and his wife, Countess Townsend, live in Falcon Rock Castle...in Arizona! Sunny, sunny Arizona. So, that part is different in the mythos of vampires. It's a poor decision in setting, but different none the less.
The castle's owner dies, and the property is passed to a photographer named Glen.
Though he decides he wants to live in Falcon Rock Castle with his fiancee, Liz, little does he know that Count Townsend and his vampire wife are not only living there, Count Charles Townsend is really County Dracula! And they also keep young pretty women shackled in the cellar so they can siphon their blood whenever they need to quench their thirst for blood.They also sleep in coffins because they're vampires and...it's as cliche as it can be.
Horror movie icon, John Carradine, plays the castle's butler, George, who lives in Falcon Rock as well, along with the standard castle hunchback, Mango. His purpose is pretty much being the muscle who kidnaps these women for the Townsends.
Not only do they keep these women for their blood, they occasionally sacrifice a girl to the "Great God Luna."
Meanwhile, a guy named Johnny shows up. It turns out Johnny turns into a serial killer when the moon is full. Evidently, there's a TV version of this flick where it's hinted that he actually becomes a werewolf. Anyhow, he's suddenly in cahoots with the Townsends. His allegiance to them is rather unclear. Still, he ends up staying with them, and participating in their sacrifice.
Once Glen and Liz find the women in the basement, rather easily I'll add, the Townsends reveal everything to them, even that Count Townsend is really Count Dracula. This moment of exposition is delivered in the most mundane and non-threatening way possible. In fact, everything in this "horror" movie just lacks any emotion. The actors seem to only care about making sure they get their lines out. Even the girls chained to the wall don't seem to mind much they're chained against their will. They just stand in the background, nonchalant and certainly not struggling. They're just a group of women, chained to the wall, making sure they don't move off their mark, and maybe just happy to be a part of things. It's completely laughable. The acting is ridiculous.
Glen and Liz soon get the upper hand, and Dracula and his wife turn into bats- real bats! And that's about the extent of the producer's efforts.
This was the most non-threatening, non-frightening (except for the amount of exposition the filmmakers could pack in 84 minutes) horror film I've seen to date.
John Carradine was the only actor trying to be scary.
The choice to cast Alexander D'Arcy as Dracula makes sense as his screen persona was always smooth, suave and sexy.Unfortunately, in this particular role, that didn't save his performance.
Somehow, I paid attention throughout the entire movie, but it was a complete struggle to do so. Nothing interesting was ever taking place. I mean, when Carradine was on screen it was cool to see him. Otherwise, nothing.
There's no gore. There's no scare other than scenes of Dracula and Mrs. Dracula laying in their coffins. No fangs. No biting. Just two upper-class people saying "we're vampires."
Count Charles, Mango, and Johnny are loosely based on Dracula, Frankenstein's monster, and the Wolfman. It's painful to watch such a lousy rip-off.
With a movie bearing the word "blood" in the title, I would think there would be at least some of it splattered on walls, or pooled on the floor, or even dripping from Dracula's mouth. Nope! Any blood is daintily sipped out of pretentious beverage receptacles.
This flick isn't even accidentally interesting.
This felt so amateurish to me. The dialogue plays out like an old EC Comic such as Tales from the Crypt or Vault of Horror. Unlike the comics, it gets boring. Very boring!

12) The Mangler (1995) - Obscure Stephen King flick #1

"There's a little bit of me in that machine, and a little bit of it in me. We are the life blood of this town. We all have to make sacrifices." 

Director
Tobe Hooper

Cast
Ted Levine - John Hunton
Robert Englund - Bill Gartley
Vanessa Pike - Sherry Ouelette
Daniel Matmor - Mark Jackson

I know this movie about a possessed laundry press, housed inside the steamy, sweaty, Gartley's Blue Ribbon Laundry Service, was trying to be scary and suspenseful. But other than that, I really don't know what this movie was setting out to do.
A film about a demonic press is, without saying, over the top. It just wasn't the movie that the three horror icons who's names are attached to it (Director Tobe Hooper - Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Poltergeist - Robert Englund, Freddy Krueger himself, and of course Stephen King - everything Stephen King has ever written) should have done together. Oh, and it has Ted Levine from Silence of the Lambs.
I'm baffled a little that this would be the movie for these horror giants to come together on.
King's original story of the same name can be found in his collection of short stories called Night Shift. He wrote it from his experiences, and from I read somewhere, as a bit of a payback, working in a laundry facility. Maybe as a short story, it could be a fun read.
I'll add here that when it comes to creative writing, King himself said in a lecture that writers should write for themselves, and write for fun. Case and point - The Mangler.
Bill Gartley (Robert Englund) operates a laundry service. And we see how insanely uncaring and, ooooh, evil he is when his own niece, Sherry, severely cuts herself on the machine. She drips blood onto its tred as she tries to dodge an old refrigerator some movers are doing a poor job of carrying. Both her hand and the fridge touch the machine, giving the press both a demon and a taste for blood.
Later on, one of Gartley's employees, the elderly Mrs. Frawley, gets stuck onto the tred as she tries to open a container of antacids which spill onto the machine while it's on. Rather than letting them go, or asking to have the machine turned off, she struggles to pick them up.
She get's pulled in, and what comes out on the other end is a bloody, folded mess that was once Mrs. Frawley.
In comes Police Investigator John Hunton (Ted Levine) who, despite being the standard tough, no-nonsense cop, can't stomach the remains of Frawley.
To me, this is were the ridiculousness comes in. I understand that if such a horrific accident had taken place in real life, obviously police would be present to investigate the situation.
For all practical purposes, and as far as witnesses go, such a death would be considered accidental.
Hunton, however, really delves into an investigation, while his brother-in-law, Mark, (a demonologist) tries to convince him that something supernatural is at play. It really starts to become forced by this point.
It's hard to take Levine's character seriously. Just what his drive is into an investigation that looks completely accidental on the surface is unclear. He doesn't believe in demons and such. And no fowl play is involved. But Hunton is determined to dig something up.
During the investigation, Mark figures out that the icebox may be what was possessed by demons. And sure enough, it was. So, the demons are expelled from the ice box, but the work isn't finished.
They both learn that Gartley and other people in town have been sacrificing their virgin daughters to the press on their 16th birthdays for wealth and power. How this little tradition came to be isn't explained. Nothing is explained. Anyhow, Gartley had plans to do just that to Sherry.
Meanwhile, Mark discovers that the antacids that Frawley was taking (and Hunton is taking, too, because he stole them out of Frawley's purse during the investigation) contains deadly nightshade.
Nightshade, according to Mark's Book of the Occult, is just the ingredient to feed the demons and bring the machine to life. Hunton and Mark proceed with an exorcism which is as ridiculous as it is intense.
The machine then comes to life, and chases the pair around the facility. Unfortunately, the money must have run out by this point, because what's supposed to be the climax is more like the last few seconds of a deflating balloon. Just like the flatulating sound of a balloon sputtering through the air, the last act is enough to make anyone laugh. It's hilarious to watch grown men perform an exorcism over a machine, and then watch terrible depiction of a laundry press chase people around, breathing fire.
It doesn't seem like any of the actors are really enjoying their roles. Robert Englund does make a great villain. His character is the embodiment of the machine itself - uncaring, unsympathetic, and completely self-interested. Englund's acting makes the most sense. He's playing it in just the right amount of exaggeration - a caricature of exaggeration itself - that's suitable for a movie about a demonic laundry machine.
But nothing about the story or the climax impressed. It just went from silly to painful.
This movie was trying to be too many things at once. With Stephen King's name behind it, The Mangler tried to raise itself on the pedestal where other King movies have been placed, with its want of respect for being a story written by an author who's often taken as a serious writer. Meanwhile, it was trying to be an over-the-top film. In short, it was taking itself seriously while at certain points, it didn't want to be taken seriously. And the dialogue was all over the place.
None of the actors could work off each other. It was a mish-mash of styles with none of them very convincing, save for Englund who seemed to be the only one who understood just what kind of a movie this was. Three masters of the horror genre (and Ted Levine) had one chance to make a laundry machine scary, and what was left was a forgettable mess. Nothing dazzled. Nothing left its marked.
How this flick spawned two sequels is a testament to Hollywood clearly not understanding what audiences want...or don't want.
The Mangler mangled a perfectly good Friday night for me, leaving me with no real scares.

Ambiguous King